The surprising new guises of the Good Book
The UK and US are two countries divided by a common book – or Book. In the UK, the “authorised” King James Bible has, since its publication in 1611, remained the protected property of the crown – like swans and treasure trove. In the republican US, the King James Bible has never been in copyright. And the US approach to merchandising it is refreshingly un-institutional.
Amazon.com (but not its cisatlantic branch) has just set up a special “Bible Store”, with scores of artfully packaged, customised and personalised AVs and NIVs (New International Versions).
These being martial times, a top-line item is a cammy-covered Soldier’s Bible, “with Special Prayer and Devotional Section for Army Personnel; Green, Bonded Leather with Slide-Tab Closure”. I’m not sure what that last means: possibly a compartment for the final round.
One “reviewer” awarded it a derisory single star, with the unpatriotic comment: “Research indicates that soldiers weren’t accepted as members of the early Christian churches until near the end of the second century. They actually took the ‘turn the other cheek’ thing seriously back then for some reason. Silly of them, huh?”
There are other “battlezone” Bibles. Inspired by “the quiet heroism” of the men in blue on 9/11, a Policeman’s Bible has been produced “for these who are on the frontlines of our cities and villages restraining the evil that seeks to destroy us”. There’s a partnering Fireman’s Bible. Nothing, though, for the gals in uniform.
The Extreme Teen Bible mightily displeased one Amazon reviewer who Googled “extreme teen” and was so shocked by what came up “that I forgot all about Jesus for about 11 minutes”. No such danger with the Soul-Surfer Bible, which has an exegesis by “Bethany Hamilton, a rising star in the surfing world and an inspiring teenager with a heart for Jesus Christ”. The same clientele is catered for by the Faithgirlz Best Friends Bible.
Teens wanting a fashion accessory as well as salvation are invited (for a mere $19.99) to “Experience the latest rage – a complete Everyday Bible wrapped in durable duct tape!” It’s available in traditional silver duct tape or five other, more exotic hues.
There’s a Busy Mom’s Bible, and Dad is catered for by the Sportsman’s Bible (with a picture of what looks like Dick Cheney quail shooting on the cover), the Golfer’s Bible and the Johnny Cash New Testament, which comes with a CD.
The huge array of American Bibles is a testament to the devoutness of a population, around 40 per cent of whom, statisticians tell us, attend church once a week. More strikingly, in the US, the Bible is not something to be confined in the home or
the church. The numerous ultra-portable “slimline” editions (and the evidence of one’s eyes, in places such as airports) testify that Americans carry their Bible, as well as their faith, with them wherever they go.
The Queen of England should take note. There’s big money to be made.
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