A £5 book token for every winner, the best of whom (Brendan O'Byrne) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

When visiting a National Trust property, it is considered protocol to take two or three cuttings from the ornamental flower beds.

Michael Birt

At any well-known attraction in the UK you will find queues outside the ladies' lavatories: remember, women who wear trousers may use the men's facilities.

Anne Du Croz

The statue of Eros is the erotic centre of London. Join in the fun by stripping off and asking people to have sex with you.

Nicholas Hodgson

In many historic houses the table in the dining salon is laid, ready for your picnic.

Alanna Blake

Spectators are encouraged to practise their whistling skills at Crufts.

Brendan J O'Byrne

Listen to the fabulous music at the world's greatest festival. Come to sun-drenched Glastonbury and bask in radiant days and balmy nights with thousands of fellow revellers.

Harry Glenister

Don't miss Leeds Castle - trains to the north leave Euston Station hourly.

Relive Shakespeare's genius: take the DLR to Stratford.

Shirley Curran

Cross her palm with silver at any public event and the Queen will tell you who really killed Diana.

Feel free to retune the televisions in British pubs.

Adrian Fry

Let off a firecracker on Cutty Sark.

If you wish to add a stone to Stonehenge, it must weigh between 50 and 100 kilos.

Bill Greenwell

with red hair can travel free on London Underground. If an inspector asks to see your ticket, just lower your head so that she/he can take a good look at your hair.

Dipak Ghosh

Need a pick-me-up? Try Blind Light, the state-of-the-art unisex steam room at the Hayward Gallery, designed by Antony Gormley. Just remember to deposit your clothes with a gallery attendant.

Peter Norman

Signs that say "Keep off the Grass" apply only to dogs.

Paul Kelly

Because of the terrorism risk, photography is not allowed from the London Eye. If you see anyone attempting it, please press the emergency button at once.

The London congestion charge does not apply to Americans.

David Bowen

Young hooded men on the streets are trainee monks who welcome religious overtures.

Barry Baldwin

No 3989 Sizzling sensation

Set by Didier d'Argent

We want mouth-watering publicity blurbs for any famous literary novel to make sure that it gets read, whether or not each blurb accurately encapsulates what is in the pages.

Max 125 words by 26 July

Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk