Report by Ms de Meaner
Oh, your sense of irony! Naturally, we've printed the female versions first, as you will immediately realise. Ha! £20 to all the winners; the Tesco vouchers go to Ms Blake for that extra something.
It's in the party interest to elect a woman as deputy leader. Strong as some male contenders are, one of our advantages over the Tories has been our growing number of female members. If we are to regain our lead in the polls we must be seen to aspire to an overview of the attitudes and aspirations of all sections of the electorate, and one aspect of this lies in cultivating the feminine vote. Our next PM can be relied on to balance his front bench and astutely place his deputy in a position commensurate with her abilities.
My vote will go to Hilary Benn. Such a gentleman. One can almost see him raise an invisible hat as he greets women MPs. And it's so good to see him following in his father's footsteps with such a strong feeling for the under privileged, both here and abroad, and with such an active conscience. A man you believe you can trust, sad though it makes me about the two women. Astute politicians, yes, but too impersonal and rather too ambitious. And as for dress sense . . . !
Alanna Blake
In the context of geoglobal politics oscillating between a unipolar and a quasi-bipolar world, a deliberate curtailment of energy supply would have repercussions unforeseeable and unfathomable. In the short term, advantage lies with the energy source whose actions precipitate immediate consequences for the customer. In the medium to long term, the advantage shifts, after a prolonged period of painful readjustment, to the customer, as alternative energy sources are onstreamed.
I am absolutely certain that Vladimir would no more dream of turning off the gas supply than he would of telling a lady that her hat, handbag and shoes clashed . . .
J Seery
The logic of compulsory identity cards is specious and misleading. They offer no guarantee of enhanced security (and therefore fail their own test of efficacy); they enlarge the unaccountable power of the state, at the expense, needless to say, of civil liberties; and they have ominous implications concerning the health of British democracy, which is already in serious jeopardy. On this issue, as on others, one is reminded of what Goering said at Nuremberg: in order to unite the people behind your own dictatorial ambitions, give them an enemy to fear and hate.
Identity cards? What, something else for us to carry in our handbags? As if we weren't loaded down enough already. And it's going to cost us as well! Isn't there enough pressure to consume, what with all the advertisements and brand promotion and celebrity role models? In other words: here's one more thing that we don't need, which the government is forcing us to buy. Never mind the blah-blah about security, it's another marketing ploy. And I just know my photo is going to make me look like the Madwoman of Shalott.
Basil Ransome-Davies
No 3986 Misleading advice...
Set by Grace Elegy
... now that summer is upon us, for foreign tourists visiting any well-known attraction in the UK.
As many as you like by 5 July
Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
