It took me a while to "get" Bill Greenwell's entry (so slow!), but then that truth "And pigs might fly" was borne in upon me. An hon mensh to Michael Brereton. £20 to the winners, the best of whom (Bill again) also gets the Tesco vouchers.
The pinkest of wings
The pinkest of wings
I flew to Inverness, my love,
I flew there in a wink,
To Inverness I flew, my love,
And oh my wings were pink.
My wings were pretty pink, my love,
And oh, the air was clean,
I flew there on a pig, my love,
Both Gadarene and green.
Of all my porkers, this I sing:
My methane-powered boar
Came farting in on tartan wing,
And landed with a roar.
The roar that blew me, green as grass,
My love, flew north from south,
And half its gas was pure pig's-arse,
And half was from my mouth.
Bill Greenwell
A pie and a dram
O young Cameron pedalled up from the south
To drum up support from Poolewe to Eyemouth.
Of all the campaigners his bike was the best
But it didn't provide any seats for the rest.
His huge carbon footprint surely passed mine by far
As I bet that his staff had to follow by car
All driving gas-guzzlers and quaffing fine wine,
But a pie and a dram is the Brown way to dine.
And, save my good laptop, I baggage had none.
I paid for my ticket and flew all alone.
I travelled by taxi when my plane touched down,
Just a canny Scots driver and me, Gordon Brown.
He pedalled his way to a rally in Perth
To be fêted by rich Tory "friends of the earth".
Then the Green Party whisper'd, "Brown keeps the costs down.
"He's saving the earth is that young Gordon Brown."
Shirley Curran
Greener than Tories
Oh, ye'll tak the railroad but I'll tak to no road
But fly up tae Scotland afore ye
But don't be forgettin' how wi' carbon offsettin'
I'll be greener than ye or the Tories.
By yon bonnie banks, I'll survey bonnie braes
While ye're train's in the sidings all rusting,
For offsettin' acquits me of all I emit
While ye'll need ye're hot air fae the hustings.
Adrian Fry
No 3979 Disorderly conduct
Set by Gavin Ross
In a report ("Angry families of terror victims seek payouts") on 20 April, the Guardian wrote that Glenn Shadbolt, who survived the 2005 Sharm el-Sheikh bombings, suffered from "post-dramatic stress disorder". The paper later published a correction. Can we have suggestions for causes and symptoms of this complaint, such as fear of woods, compulsive searching for handkerchiefs, etc?
Max 125 words by 17 May
Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
