God's reply

Set by Dipak Ghosh

We asked you to eavesdrop on God's reply to a politician's prayers

Report by Ms de Meaner

Welcome to three newbies - Linda Filshie, Ceri Williams and William Paterson. Hon menshes to El Basilio, Josh Ekroy, Adrian Fry and John Griffiths-Colby. The winners get £20 each, with the additional Tesco vouchers going to M F Gregory. Well done. A service announcement: could Peter Wyatt, Dean Juniper, Terry Goodhill and Tom Wilkinson, who each set a comp last year, send in their addresses.

Don't be an arse, Big Man. Do the business. No popery!? No surrrrrrender!? No way. Love one another or die. Love one another and die. Eighty, eh? Mortality. Comes to everyone. Not to Me, of course. Up here we're ecumenical and multi-faith. We've got sceptics, and some very surprised atheists. I've prepared a place for Dawkins, too . . . in a draughty corner near the door. So . . . dump the baggy suit. Hold your head high. New titfer at a jaunty angle. Imagine McGuinness reading a textbook and finding your picture: "First Minister, Far-seeing Statesman, Father of the Nation!" Reduce the volume. Grit your teeth. Look at your deputy and . . . SMILE. Power sharing! Even the ladies of East Belfast are onside. (To: Ian Paisley)

Anne Du Croz

Many thanks for your kind words regarding my "achievements". Yes, my destruction of the Tower of Babel was impressive but it was also unrepeatable. I simply could not do the same thing to No 11 Downing Street. Even if I did, it would be quite wrong to check that the Chancellor was there before razing that building to the ground.

Furthermore, it is sadly impossible for me to endorse your website at Mass. My books of Genesis and Deuteronomy contain a pure poetry. "Anyone but Gordon", "Bash the Brownites" and "Tony is still the best" would detract from the beauty of scripture. They cannot therefore be added to the Bible. Finally, I will not promote David Miliband to a status equal to that of my son. If Mr Miliband seeks power, he must do it alone. (To: Charles Clarke and Alan Milburn)

M F Gregory

Comest thou in supplication with talk of a "deal" and of "timetables"? Knowest thou not that the Lord of Creation doth not "step down"? Was it for nothing that in the day of wrath, I smote thy land with an everlasting plague of midges and confused for ever the language of thy forefathers, who consulted with witches and slaughtered kings? And now dost thou also usurp my servant Anthony and seduce my people with "prudent fiscal policy"? Wilt thou with fiscal policy preserve the foundations of the Earth and the firmament of the Heavens and scatter rain upon the Earth, that it might bring forth fruit? Henceforth therefore will I withdraw my name from thee, Gordon, and thou shalt be called Ron. (To: Gordon Brown)

David Silverman

No 3974 Song for Europe
Set by Didier d'Argent

We badly need more profound entries for the Eurovision Song Contest. Lyrics from any famous philosopher, please, living or dead, for any country's entry.

Entries in by 12 April
Email: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

This article first appeared in the 02 April 2007 issue of the New Statesman, Africa: How we killed our dreams of freedom