Life & Society
I have not a gram of rock'n'roll in me
Published 20 November 2006
I am a potterer, a flâneur. I am brilliant at it, quite brilliant. I am encouraged in this by Hackney Council, which makes public transport so horrendous
I have a feeling that I will spend most of this diary trying to excuse myself. I don't normally live as the following might imply. I have in fact spent the past five years working in hell; guarding warehouses and serving food to brats at a local public school. But recently things have greatly improved. I know I shouldn't admit it, but at the moment things are actually OK.
Made to measure
There is no better time to listen to music loudly on my headphones than when travelling drunk on public transport. Travelling home alone, late, after seeing friends in Brixton, I listened to my sister's iPod shuffle. The lack of information supplied by these little machines puts the mystery back into music. These days, it is hard to separate the music from the PR so it's nice to hear things without knowing so much as the artist's name. My favourite during this journey was a German record about George Clooney. It was simply brilliant.
I wish I could relay stories of rock'n'roll, snorting my meals and getting off with GMTV presenters, but the truth is that I have not a gram of R & R in me. I am a potterer, a flâneur. It is from this that I derive my pleasure and I am brilliant at it, quite brilliant. I am encouraged to potter by Hackney Borough Council, which makes public transport so horrendous. We don't have a Tube and the new bendy buses can't go around corners. So I walk. Once I have started walking I find it hard to stop, and often walk all the way into town. My friend Will and I, inspired by Low and Terry, a book of cartoons from the Thirties by caricaturist David Low and the reporter Horace Thorogood, stroll the streets of London discussing what we'd do should we be near drowning in money.
Still under the influence of Low, we headed towards Savile Row . . . Our as yet unfulfilled plan goes something like this: one morning we both arrive outside No 1 Savile Row in nothing but our underwear. In a loud voice I announce our arrival and begin to parade down the street. Tailors come leaping out of shops armed with tape-measures and rolls of material.
Launched from their buildings as in West Side Story, they come spinning around lamp-posts and jumping over bins. By the time we arrive at the other end of the street we are gentleman of the finest sort. We then sit down to coffee and discuss something like Asbos or the Stern report.
A dog's life
Sunday morning started, as it always does at my girlfriend's, with the announcement that I have to walk the dog, which I hate doing above almost anything. It involves Jennifer walking around Ealing Common with the dog following seven metres behind her and me seven metres behind the dog. I amuse myself by trying to make the dog come to me, and call it using a variety of different names in an attempt to prove that it has no idea what its name is. I think it knows what I'm doing and usually responds by pooing and watching with a smirk as I have to pick it up.
150 tracks, two winners
I need about ten good records to put together the week's show for Channel 4 Radio, so listen to records all day. I listened to more than 200 singles, admittedly not all in their entirety. In response to requests from listeners and comments left on our message board, Channel 4 has recently extended my podcast by a cool 15 minutes. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it means I have to find an extra four new artists. To give you an idea: I listened to 150 tracks last week and found two that I liked, which is a pretty bad ratio. But this makes it even more wonderful when you find something great. And, despite my initial apprehensions of what I would find on Channel 4's MyMusic website, the job of trawling through its 20,000 tracks has proved hugely entertaining and we found some brilliant music.
The day ended with me cleaning the house and inspecting the spot on the end of my nose. If it should get any bigger, I may have to register it with a local school. I must also find another four records before I can record this week's show - if only I knew who that German Clooney track was by.
Tom Ravenscroft's weekly show "SlashRadio" can be found at www.channel4.com
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