Tory dominatrix Theresa May is proving quite an attraction at Thursday's business questions. Once famous for her shoes, the shadow leader of the house is now pulling in unreconstructed MPs eager to discover if she's wearing another of her daring low-cut tops. Racy Ms May's embonpoint has inspired enthusiasm in the finer points of parliamentary couture, and the whips have noted rising interest on both sides of the House. Yet her wardrobe could halt a modernisation proposal. A grandee huffed that Jack "The Lad" Straw's backing for TV cameras mounted on the despatch box was a bad idea if viewers get an eyeful. Some northern Labour types beg to differ.
I predict another tantrum from foot-in-mouth machine Cherie Blair when she learns what her antisocial neighbour is up to now. The word is Big Gordie intends to use Chequers if (make that "when") he succeeds her hubby, swapping the hair shirt that saw him reject Dorneywood for the Barbour jacket of state that goes with the premiership. Already feeling squeezed out of Downing Street after the Browns moved into the flat above No 10, a friend of Mrs B fears an outburst when forced to accept the inevitable about Big Gordie and his designs on her weekend retreat.
Government whips are struggling to fill seven golf caddy vacancies created in September's PPS coup, with several backbenchers turning down the unpaid opportunity to fetch and carry. One surprising recruit is big Davy Anderson, lefty ex-miner, agreeing to serve the university fees minister Bill Rammell. There would have been an extra vacancy if the epistle from the 2001 intake had been followed by publication of the one from the 2005 intake similarly demanding that Blair name the day. My man with the list whispers that Linda Waltho, helper to the Northern Ireland minister David Hanson, was a signatory to the latter.
To Twickenham where indifference greeted queen bee Tessa Jowell who substituted for the bad-back real Queen, when the culture vulture opened the expanded 82,000-seater stadium to barely a jeer. England's defeat at the hands of the All Blacks was sponsored by the money men of Investec, prompting some to wonder if Jowell was expecting to receive mortgage advice.
It's coppers-for-access as a lentils and soya-milk meal with green boy David "Brains" Miliband is sold for a cut-price £80. Blairite PR firm Weber Shandwick, run by Labour ex-spinner Colin Byrne, will host next month's touchy-feely lunch to raise dosh for party funds. That Byrne's mob earn a small fortune from BNFL, an outfit with a vested interest in Miliband's nuclear shake-up, is one of those little coincidences that crop up when politicians and lobbyists collide.
A telling insight from a female hack into the true state of play between Blairites and Brownites. Perambulating along Downing Street in the wet, Jonathan Powell gallantly offered her shelter under his umbrella. And where have you been, inquired Blair's chief of staff. To see Big Gordie, replied our hackette. Powell promptly withdrew his protection.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
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