Set by Ian Birchall
Historians now claim that Marie-Antoinette never said: "Let them eat cake." We asked for accounts of other misquotations, and an explanation of how they occurred
Report by Ms de Meaner
Hon menshes to Alanna Blake, Katie Mallett and Derek Morgan ("Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question"). The winners get £20, the best of whom (El Basilio) also gets the Tesco vouchers.
Not Josephine tonight
It is not well known that Napoleon - thanks to his early experiences among the sailors of Toulon - was drawn to handsome young men. Though airbrushed from the historical record, this aspect of the emperor's life oddly survives in a misunderstood (though not apocryphal, as often thought) quotation. Among his personal attendants, he had appointed a trusted young English prisoner of war, Thomas Parr. Inevitably their relationship became more intimate than that of servant and master, and the poor empress would all too often hear the words that meant another lonely night for her: Parr ce soir, Josephine!
Basil Ransome-Davies
Just desserts
Lord Palmerston is recorded as having remarked, on his deathbed, in October 1865: "Die, my dear doctor: that's the last thing I shall do." However, what he actually said was based on his recent reading of Mrs Beeton's book Household Management (1861). Mrs Beeton had died some nine months earlier, in February 1865, aged only 28. The sentimental "Pam" had been much affected by her recommendations for dinner parties. Indeed, the champion of gunboat diplomacy had just read her suggested sequence of soup; turbot and salmon; leveret, veal and mushrooms; guinea fowl and leg of lamb; charlotte, jelly, meringue, ice pudding and lobster salad, with further desserts to follow. What he actually said was: "Diet, my dear doctor . . ."
Bill Greenwell
Lost in translation
Liberals quote it to prove God is on their side. Some have tried to use it to subvert the armed forces. Sophisticated theologians have recognised that (unlike the ban on homosexuality) it should not be taken literally. After all, God does have a sense of realpolitik. Now it seems the old boy never said: "Thou shalt not kill." A prominent Hebrew scholar has shown that the verb translated as "kill" was not used in Mosaic times. Later scribes confused it with a similar word meaning "increase taxes". It will take time to get all the Bibles reprinted, and some Quakers still refuse to accept it. But at least God can hold His head high, no longer suspected of being a crypto-pink.
Ian Birchall
Keep it resonant
Captain Oates said nothing very resonant as he was shoved and jostled unceremoniously out into the freezing night. In response to subtle hints such as: "You are going out now for a pee. You may not be back for some time, and hey, better watch out for those deep crevasses," Oates actually replied: "My deafness is worsening hourly. May Heaven forfend my eardrums be not affected." But this riposte was to no avail and is, in any case, less memorable.
Josh Ekroy
No 3956 Reader, I divorced him
Set by Brendan J O'Byrne
As the sequel to Peter Pan hits the bookshops, we want others, please.
Max 125 words by 16 November
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