A royal apology in the "dog ate my homework" class after Buck House took 15 months to reply to that parliamentary roundhead, Peter "Killa" Kilfoyle. "I regret that your letter ended up paper-clipped at the back of another document," wrote the Keeper of the Privy Purse, "and thus a very late response indeed." Nor is this a case of better late than never.

Killa, objecting to Her Maj's £37.4m pocket money, was unimpressed at the explanation that she's a public rather than private billionairess, unable to sell castles and pictures, thus deserving of an annual subvention. Our Labour republican is weighing up whether to write again but is deterred by the prospect of an answer in 2008. Friends of Killa, by the way, report the roundhead is less round as he recuperates from a heart op - more Slim Scouse than Mersey Man Mountain.

Trouble for Red Dave at t'mill, where a mini-rebellion over corporate manslaughter (nothing's too good for the workers, eh?) enabled the revolts anorak Philip Cowley to calculate more than half the 2005 Tory intake, 29 of 53 MPs, have defied the leadership.

The gossip is not of Cameron's restive troops, however, but the trendy toff's rejuvenated barnet. Curiously, the grey flecks on his temples, whispers my snout from a few rows behind him, appear to have vanished since Red Dave turned 40 a few weeks ago. Either Dave's back on the bottle or he's keeping a picture in the attic of clown prince Boris "Bonker" Johnson, who looks a little worn these days. Then again it could be the strain of all Bonker's apologies.

A fresh round of complaints to Miss Whiplash are threatened over the conduct of John McFixer, the outgoing premier's grandly titled political secretary. McFixer is accused of championing the Robominister John Reid and Mod-turned-Moderate Alan Johnson against Big Gordie. McFixer's alleged misdemeanour is virtually to ignore, in a daily email to the PLP, a poll finding swing voters favour Big Gordie over Red Dave as the next PM. The response of Miss Whiplash herself, Chief Whip Jacqui Smith, will point to where power still resides.

Head-scratching over precisely how long the outgoing premier's speechwriter Phil Collins has been a Labour member as he eyes up Bolton South-East, a safe haven when the incumbent, Brian Iddon, retires. The soon-to-be No 10 refugee was overheard not so long ago declaring how, if Big Gordie succeeded T Blair, he'd quit the party. At least one Labour young gun of my acquaintance considers that reason enough to vote Brown.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

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