Set by Valerie Yule We asked for a well-known piece of oratory translated into Bushspeak

Report by Ms de Meaner

Welcome, newbies Tom Evans and Arun Nirajan (16). Hon menshes to Ian Birchall for his Winston Bush ("We shall go on to the end, whichever comes sooner") and John O'Byrne (on a roll at the mo) for John F Bush. £20 to the winners, the best of whom (Alanna Blake) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

John F Bush Now we have been summonised here by a trumpet call - not bearing arms, although we need arms to shoulder, not as a battle call, though we call it a battle, and we will not sherbet it - to strangle the uncommon enemas of man: tyrannosaurs, perverty, and war which is over before it is begun again. The world has a longing for history, and our generation is history, because we are all here irresponsible for defending freedom with maximum - minimum - danger. And I am welcome to it. The past is not the present, and this is a time to make that indifference a thing of the future, with the glow that truly fires on the whole world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what you cannot do for your country - ask how your country can do for you. And how together we can do for the freedom of man.
Bill Greenwell

Winston Bush Even though large tractors of Europe and many old and famous states have fallen into the grope of the Allah mullahs and all the odorous apparatus of fascist Muslimists, we Americans shall prove myself able to storm out the rides of war, if necessary for years, if necessary. We shall not flag or flail. We shall go round the bend. We shall fight on the ranches, we shall fight on the airfields and on the cornfields and on the oilfields and on all the other fields. We shall defend our tyranny whatever the cost unless it is too much. We shall go on starving our empire beyond the skies until the axle of evil crashes in good's God time and the resurgency are subjuncted. Then we Americans will be the steppers forth together in victory to lubricate the undertrodden populaces of the third world.
Alanna Blake

Julius Bush Yo! Fellow Romanians and people of Read Only Memory, listen up. That cat, Armed-and-Dangerous, I've come to dig him, not to praise him. I've come to dig him into the ground. They say I have an unconscious I-rani. Well, I'm gonna put him in a hole, and if he's in a hole, we'll find him. I spoke to the man, Yehudi Bratpack. He says Armed-and-Dangerous is a bad man, and bad men live on, even after they're dead. He says I-ran has nucular weapons of WMD. And Bratpack is an honourable man. He's clearing a path on either side of the path and I say this to His Brother and the men with evil axes who stand behind them: "If you have sheds, prepare to tear them down." Go for your guns, pardners. I'm going for mine at the ranch. I'll be back after the fall.
Don White

No 3946 Colour coding

Set by Dipak Ghosh

According to Channel 4 News, the Tories are considering changing their symbol (hand holding lit torch in red, white and blue) and asking for suggestions. We want to know the reason behind this and your ideas for a new symbol, explaining why yours is more appropriate.

Max 120 words by 7 September

E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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