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Set by Valerie Yule A poet rewrites some of her/his famous nature poetry to fit in with the scene in 2050
Report by Ms de Meaner
Welcome to newbies Margaret Joy, Brendan Beary and Megan Robertson. Hon menshes to Adrian Fry, J Seery, Michael Cregan, Gordon Watson and Alanna Blake. £20 to the winners, the best of whom (Anne Du Croz) also gets the Tesco vouchers.
Climate change
On either side the river lie
Tall mango trees that reach the sky.
Such crops now thrive and multiply
An awesome sight, to testify
The climate change of Camelot.
And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the pawpaws grow
Where once folk worked with spade and hoe
To cultivate shallot.
Where carrot rows sat trim and neat
Flocks of predacious parrots eat
Ripe melons for their daily treat,
Well ripened in the tropic heat
That ever blankets Camelot.
The Lady in her topmost tower
Has need to take a cooling shower
And preferably, once an hour.
Oh baby, is it hot!
Prue Sheldon
Blooming hogwort
Just now the hogwort is in bloom,
Just before my little room;
And by the border path, I think,
Grows knotweed, blocking up the sink.
The climate's changed! . . .
Du lieber Gott!
Here am I, sweating, sick and hot,
And if you ask, I would I were
A thousand miles from Grantchester!
Old vicarage? Turned into flats.
The belfry? Home to vampire bats.
And dealers selling drugs and porn
Park Hummers on the tarmac'd lawn.
Gordon Watson
Wasted water
By the shores of Gitchee Gumee,
Hiawatha's great-great-grandson
Stood, with ma-in-law Vikimis,
Glumly staring at the lake bed,
At the parched and cracked-up lake bed,
For despite the water meters
He'd installed about the village,
He'd been forced to put up standpipes,
Even had to bring in bowsers!
When his tribe had built casinos,
Piped lake water with the profits,
Air-conditioned all the tepees,
Bought themselves gas-guzzling pick-ups,
Who had guessed what this might lead to?
"You made light of global warming,"
Growled the grizzled old Vikimis.
"See what comes of wasting water.
"Should have stuck to bowls and buckets,
"Taken daily to the lakeside . . ."
Anne Du Croz
Cloned lamb
Little Lamb, who cloned thee?
Dost thou know who cloned thee?
Gave thee milk, and made thee bark,
Gave thee green stripes for a lark;
Gave thee ears of a donkey,
And the mouth of a monkey;
Gave thee wings with which to soar,
And the tusks of a wild boar?
Little Lamb, who cloned thee?
Dost thou know who cloned thee?
John O'Byrne
No 3944 History mystery
Set by Didier d'Argent
According to a survey, 5 per cent of us think the Domesday Book was a novel by Dan Brown. Can we have extracts, please. If you feel more literary, why not have a go at Umberto Eco?
Max 150 words by 24 August
E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
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