1. Independent deterrent

Thirty-one years after she put it up, Jean Groves, of Bursledon, Hants, was ordered to take down the sign on her fence saying: "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses." Her son observed: "We never had a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses . . . so I suppose the sign did the job."

2. Fingered

Michael Baumgartner, 31, made things easy for police when he caught his hand on a fence while robbing a Hamburg leisure centre, and ripped a finger off. Detectives were able to trace him using the fingerprint.

3. Heavy lift

A Utah ambulance service has introduced new emergency vehicles specially designed to carry morbidly obese patients. The "bariatric" ambulances are wider, have stronger gurneys and come with a hydraulic lift and a winch system for lifting patients.

4. Tuck cops

Two police officers in Hailsham, Sussex, were arrested on suspicion of stealing sweets. Accused of abusing the honourable payment system in the force's tuck shop, they were bailed pending further investigation of a "significant stock loss" at the shop.

5. High culture

The Neuköllner Opera House in Berlin is encouraging audience members to smoke joints during forthcoming performances of a work by Saint-Saëns. This will reflect the plot of The Oriental Princess, in which the lead male character falls in love with a portrait while under the influence of a hallucinogen.