There is growing concern that this president does not share our values. Oh, for The West Wing's Jed Bartlet in the White House
Eating raw runner beans on a panel quiz show must be as good a sign as any that you're out of your depth. And it's only fair to report that, on Tuesday last week, I was engaged in exactly that act of buffoonery.
I'd agreed to appear as a panellist on a More4 programme to mark the end of the last series of The West Wing later this month. As a fan, I accepted the invitation in an instant, but as the day of recording approached I grew increasingly nervous that people would expect me to be at least passably witty. Jokes aren't my strong suit, so it was a great relief to sit next to Arabella Weir (of Fast Show fame). I figured that, having watched every minute of every episode, I'd be able to answer the questions and leave the jokes to her.
The plan was going well until our host, Rory Bremner, started asking the questions. It became clear that Arabella had taken a sneaky peak at an unattended sheet of answers in the green room, which left me as the bean-eating sidekick.
The West Wing is very much the drama of choice in the Westminster village. When the show first started I was quite taken with the whole walk-and-talk thing whereby the characters are often to be found roaming the corridors of the White House discussing pressing matters of state. I tried to implement this practice with my staff. Unfortunately, at the time, my office was little more than six foot square and we could only walk in circles. I'll leave it to others to judge whether the Lib Dem policies we thought up at the time reflected this lack of direction.
Anyway, I enjoyed the quiz and at least got some answers right, which is more than can be said of my appearance on University Challenge. On that occasion, when I was testing my buzzer during rehearsal Jeremy Paxman turned to the audience and said: "I doubt we will hear much of that when the programme starts." Sadly, he was right.
And in case you're wondering what runner beans have to do with The West Wing - President Jed Bartlet hates them but has to take part in a PR stunt to win over Oregon, a bean-producing state.
The big divide
On Wednesday I get up early to go on Channel 5's Wright Stuff, where among other things we discuss an apparent crackdown by the police on people selling/wearing T-shirts with offensive language. I seem to be in the minority in thinking that the police should have better things to do. I also point out that, to dyslexics such as myself, "Rollocks to Bush" is as good as the real thing.
I get back from the studios to catch Menzies Campbell at PMQs. I thought it was another good performance, and he seems to have put his early jitters behind him. As Lib Dem leader you get only two questions, which makes it difficult to land a meaningful blow. I was pleased to see Ming raise the issue of the NatWest Three. Our extradition arrangements with America are yet another example of the one-sided nature of the special relationship. From the environment to international law, there is growing concern that this president does not share our values. I am not saying I agree with the T-shirt, but oh for a Bartlet in the White House!
Pack the knife
The recent spate of good weather has got me looking forward to the summer break, but for my constituents the holiday season brings increased aircraft noise from Southampton Airport, so I meet with the airport bosses to discuss alternative routes and aircraft. Everyone values the local airport, but we want it to remain a facility for local people rather than an overspill for Heathrow and Gatwick.
The last time I was here, I was en route to an election special debate on law and order somewhere in the north-east. Because we were a bit pressed for time I charged through the Nothing to Declare section and blithely assured security that I was an MP, I'd packed my own bag and there was nothing to worry about. Sensibly not taking an MP at his word, the guards took a quick look in my bag, where they found a vicious-looking penknife. Telling them that it was a present from Charles Kennedy only seemed to make the situation worse.
Mark Oaten is the Liberal Democrat MP for Winchester
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