Set by Hank T Romein We've got the Nobel, the Pulitzer. We wanted to know for what qualities or achievements the Archer, the Bragg or the Prescott, for example, might be awarded

Report by Ms de Meaner

First, an apology. No 3935 was set by John O'Byrne, not Stan Knafler. I promised both parties I would print a correction when we ran the results last week. But it slipped my mind, largely because J Seery's Tesco-voucher-winning entry (taking the p*** out of Stan) would have made no sense if Stan wasn't the setter. £20 to the winners. The aforementioned John O'Byrne also gets the Tesco vouchers for excellence this week.

The Blair: An honour specifically earmarked for top-ranking executives in the public sector (politics, policing, etc) who have shown such strength of mind as to stick to their own (divinely inspired?) instincts and decisions, in defiance of ordinary caution, liberal principles, empathy, truth and democratic public opinion.

The Rowan: Conferred on masters of a style of obfuscatory rhetoric designed to prevent fragmentation of an established organisation that is racked by internal dissension of irreconcilable theological views, contrary social policies and mutual crimination.

Barbara Smoker

The Tonee: Distinguished-service award celebrating longevity at the top. Given out only to leaders who have actually retired (and not just announced their retirement). The award was founded in 2006 by an anonymous committee of benefactors with close ties to the Treasury. Not until the award ceremony has actually taken place will the medallion be struck.

The Beckett: Awarded by the British Caravanning Society to distinguished touring members of great stamina who have been on the road a long, long time. The ceremony is at a crossroads near a tree in Yorkshire.

John O'Byrne

The Fry: Named after and not infrequently awarded to the writer, actor, broadcaster, film director and national treasure Stephen Fry, this prize celebrates ubiquity as an achievement in and of itself. Previous winners have included Piers Morgan and Boris Johnson. If you don't already feel a sense of wry inevitability about this year's winner, they probably haven't won.

Adrian Fry

The Davina is not awarded for waving your hands around and shouting overexcitedly (see the Kermit Prize), but for the ultimate in democracy. Everyone is up for the prize, to be judged by everyone else. The TV-viewing public whittles down the 60 million nominees, viewing two at a time in natural situations and voting one off. In later rounds, the remaining contestants are judged on their ability to undertake challenges, such as lifting a finger or squeezing through a doorway. The last eight are left in a small house for 15 years and encouraged to cry a lot. The last one left alive wins the Davina.

David Silverman

No 3939 Floating signifiers

Set by D A Prince

Joe Moran (NS, 12 June) wrote that "the banana is what literary theorists call a floating signifier; not meaning anything specific, it seems to absorb all sorts of surplus meaning in our culture". A heavy load for the humble banana. Let's hear it for the other items on the fruit and veg stall.

Max 125 words by 20 July
E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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