During the past week I caught a bit of telly. It was just a swift, head-up moment in between my needlepoint, but that was time enough in which to see the chairman of a football club (I won't name him for fear of being sued; see later) wearing a suit and sporting a full, bouncing head of stripy highlights. I found my normal liberal self thinking: it looks wrong.
This observation is born partly out of sheer jealously. Men tend to look so much better, anyway, as they get older, and grey hair just adds to the appeal. This is rarely the case for women, which is why so many feel they have to tread the long and expensive road of artifice, and can't understand why men would do so when they don't need to. You see, the real problem with men dyeing their hair stems not so much from them doing it, because men should be allowed to do what they want with their hair, but from refusing to talk about it. Men have a deeply complicated relationship with their hair. They may talk with relative ease about their pants and their penis, but will rarely talk about their hair, even with other men. They are highly sensitive about it. In 2002 the then German chancellor, Gerhard Schröder, sued a news agency for simply implying that he dyed his hair. A testament from his hairdresser was even read out in court to support him. Schröder is reported to be quite a laid-back politician, but at the time of the case the German media concluded that his sense of humour had "taken a holiday".
Unfortunately, because men are so sensitive about their hair yet reluctant to discuss it with anyone else, they can't ask for advice in the way women do quite openly. Thus, where grey hair is concerned, many men will be tempted to dye it at home, in secret, in a colour that they think will work but rarely does. And because men don't talk about hair, they don't say anything when another man gets it wrong, and the circle of silence continues.
It is usually easy to spot men who dye their hair: they often make the classic mistake of dyeing it too dark for their skin colour (some women make this mistake, too). Our skin becomes thinner as it gets older, and so it appears to get paler; therefore hair should never be dyed to the colour it was in youth - the effect is just too severe. This is why Mother Nature is actually being rather kind, turning our hair grey as we get older: it flatters an ageing skin better.
Men do get it right on occasion, but for every David Beckham there are ten Paul McCartneys (I just had to mention him). What to do is tricky, however. They won't ask for help and you can't offer it. Even the most mild-mannered and generous of men can turn quite nasty when cornered on the subject of his hair. Once, while researching a book, I asked a very learned and always helpful friend about his hair. He had happily told me - at length - about various parts of his wardrobe; but, on this subject, the reply was short: "I simply have nothing to say about my hair," he bristled.
