Set by Peter Wyatt: Following William Empson's description of "Lady Chatterley's Lover" as being "like a daydream about a limerick", we asked you for further witty summings-up, in the same manner, of great books of your choice

Report by Ms de Meaner

I had an e-mail from dear David Silverman just double-checking that he wasn't supposed to send in a limerick, to which I replied in the negative, adding: "Happily no one has yet sent in a limerick!" I wrote too soon. One poor man did just that. I apologise profusely if the instructions weren't 100 per cent clear. I was going to print one of his limericks to cheer him up, but as none of them scanned I shan't. Well done to Richard Robinson, whose name I don't recognise. £10 to the singletons, £15 to the rest. The overall winner (La Curran) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Quilted toilet paper

The Da Vinci Code is like a Sudoku puzzle, wrapped in luxury quilted toilet paper and served on a bed of crisp dollar bills.

Cold Comfort Farm is like A Social History of England interpreted as an episode of The Archers.

Richard Robinson

Daydream believer

Puckoon is like a limerick about a daydream.

Bridget Jones's Diary is like a shopping list without the variety.

The Da Vinci Code is like a puzzle without the clues . . . or the puzzle.

The Bible is like Hansard without The Da Vinci Code.

Lolita is like a seaside postcard without the innuendo.

Bill Greenwell

Taking a risk

The Communist Manifesto is the political equivalent of Ikea assembly instructions: bits of kit are missing, and it won't work.

Shirley Curran

Training days

Ulysses is like being trapped in a railway compartment with a compulsive talker.

Finnegans Wake is like being trapped in a railway compartment with a compulsive drunken talker.

J Seery

Beauty is . . .

The Line of Beauty is like a tourist brochure for a painting by Jack Vettriano.

À la recherche du temps perdu is like knitting a Fair Isle sweater with embroidery silks.

Ulysses is like playing Scrabble in Estonian.

The Great Gatsby is like a proper Martini in an art-deco lido.

Brighton Rock is like a street map for psychosis.

A Clockwork Orange is like dental extraction without analgesics.

D A Prince

Wish you were here?

Midnight's Children is like dreaming you're in India but wishing you were in Pakistan.

Being and Nothingness is like no other book.

Waiting for Godot is like . . . oh I don't know . . . I don't really care . . .

John O'Byrne

No teacups

Gone With the Wind is like a storm in a mint julep.

Sid Field

No 3937 Personal adviser
Set by Dipak Ghosh

Marks & Spencer puts small stickers on the fruit it sells containing the helpful advice to its customers to "Eat Well". We want you to think of suggestions for even more helpful advice for other products.

Max 100 words by 6 July
E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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