Arsenal may be foreign scum, but I still want them to win in Europe

Oh, I do hope Arsenal win the European Champions League. Been thinking it to myself for some time. Now I've said it out loud. My son and all true Spurs fans will never speak to me again. Traitor, faithless, turncoat, blah, blah, blah.

True Arsenal haters believe you should never want Arsenal to win anything, ever. This year most of all. For if Arsenal win in the Euro, and Spurs finish the Premiership in fourth, then Spurs will not play in the Euro Champions League next season. That's the rules. Not that I understand them. Also, Arsenal are not just scum, but foreign scum.

Let's take the last first. Arsenal fans don't see foreign players, any more than they see black players. They see only good and bad players.

Using a bit of dodgy spelling and verbal manipulation, Arsenal fans, as they cheer on their heroes, have persuaded themselves that, actually, their team is full of English players - viz Henry, Freddy, Bobby, Dennis, Robin, Percy, Alexander, Mathew, Gilbert, Philip. Viz, of course, he's foreign.

I want Arsenal to win because, since Christmas, they have been the most attractive team to watch in England - closely followed by Man United. Some way behind come Spurs in third,

with Chelsea, despite all their points, a poor fourth.

Obviously, as a Spurs fan, I want them to beat Arsenal when they play them next week, but apart from that game, I want to see Arsenal playing well, just as I want to see all teams playing well, expressing themselves, giving me something to enjoy and admire.

This hatred thing has got out of hand. We know that in Britain almost every club has a deadly rival, usually one which lives round the corner, yet the fans believe the competition are unspeakable creatures from outer space.

Dundee and Dundee United fans don't like each other - yet their grounds are only 0.22 miles apart. Then there's Notts Forest and Notts County (0.74 miles); Liverpool and Everton (0.79); Chelsea and Fulham (1.89); Villa and Birmingham City (3.5); Hearts and Hibs (3.5); Sheffield Wednesday and Sheffield United (3.8); Arsenal and Spurs (3.9); Rangers and Celtic (4.7); Bristol Rovers and Bristol City (4.8); Man United and Man City (5.17).

You can also hate clubs a bit further afield if they are seen to represent a rival city, such as Liverpool hating Man United and Cardiff City hating Swansea.

I didn't realise the depth of this latter hatred until I was watching the Football League Trophy Final (for clubs in the First and Second Divisions) at the Millennium Stadium a week ago. At the end of the game, which Swansea won, their star player, Lee Trundle, was seen holding a flag saying "Fuck off Cardiff" and wearing a T-shirt showing a man urinating on a Cardiff shirt. Yet they weren't playing Cardiff - they were playing Carlisle United. Cardiff had fuck all, sorry, it's catching, to do with the event. It was just an opportunity on live TV for Swansea to rubbish their hated enemy.

I was cheering for Carlisle, my home-town team. Perhaps by growing up supporting them, I missed out on the hatred gene. Carlisle is so remote, so isolated, the players haven't got any neighbours, except sheep. And we know what they're good for.

When I was a lad, there was a rivalry of sorts with Barrow and Workington, now long gone from the Football League, but it was pathetic. Nobody really cared, not in Carlisle anyway. We knew we were the superior Cumbrian team and city.

Today, I've noticed the local papers trying to work up an enmity against Darlington because, on the map, they appear to be the nearest rival in Division Two, but they're having a laugh. Historically, culturally, geographically, Darlington might as well be in Holland.

I never stand up, when they say stand up if you hate Arsenal. I don't hate. I love. Especially football. Right, that should get me into heaven, Premier Division.

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