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The Fan - Hunter Davies worries for England

Hunter Davies

Published 03 April 2006

It's pointless saying this England squad's the best since 1966

I'm a bit worried about England, rather like Mrs Dale used to say when she was worried about Dr Dale. They're beginning to look a bit peaky, off colour, picked up a touch of something, it could be catching - despite the fact that they haven't even started performing yet.

Like most fans, I veer between the most enormous hopes, buoyed up by little more than . . . well, enormous hopes, and deep depressions centred somewhere over Northern Ireland which could well blow in and result in a horribly embarrassing defeat by Trinidad and Tobago.

On the one hand, I tell myself this is the best squad since 1966, hurrah for us. Look at all those world-class stars we have, isn't our Premiership the envy of the globe, so Sky TV tells us, wouldn't every team in the world like to have Wayne Rooney, so the back pages inform us? I go along with that most of the time, half thinking we are already in the final.

Then something happens to bring me back to cold reality, such as last week, talking to my dear friend Gazza.

I was chuntering on, usual stuff, what a great squad, best chance for decades, blah blah, and he said to me, "What have they won?" The answer is: bugger all. Gazza at least did get to two semi-finals, of the World Cup in 1990 and the Euro nations in 1996, both times being beaten on penalties by Germany. According to José Mourinho, losing on penalties doesn't count, so you could argue that England did even better than the semis.

But this present lot, where are their medals? How far have they got in any World or Euro Cup? Exactly. Until they've done something, it's pointless to say they are the best since 1966. So I won't, not no more.

In fact, now that wee Owen looks well knackered, having another op, he might not even make it to Germany. Then who have we got as another world-class striker to play with Rooney? Jermain Defoe's disappeared down the pecking order. Crouch and Bent are scarcely Premier class, far less world class, though I'd like to see both of them go to Germany, purely for their nomenclature. "Why did Peter Crouch?" so I ask my granddaughters. To which they reply, "Because he saw Darren Bent."

Then at full-back Ashley Cole is very good, but he's still injured, while on the other side we've got Gary Neville, who has improved these few years, but is still only adequate-to-safe and wouldn't get in any of the top ten national sides. Behind those two, rien, nada. Wayne Bridge and Andrew Johnson have been found wanting; Luke Young is second-rate. The trouble is that in the Premiership, almost all the decent full-backs are not English. G Neville should count himself lucky to be alive and kicking at this time.

I suppose Jamie Carragher could fill in and become a world-class figure, if only for nose-blowing. Have you noticed how he does it with two fingers, grasping the top of his nose, and then emptying each nostril in turn? Awesome. I don't think the rest of the world will have seen such dexterity.

At centre-back, there's a good crop, with several to choose from. Few worries there. In the middle, we are also pretty well off, though the problem there is that Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard tend to duplicate each other, so neither is allowed to

play the dominating role each does for his club. And Sven doesn't

help, with his lack of flexibility and feeble emotional energy.

We are jolly pleased with Paul Robinson as goalie, down here where I sit in the stalls, with the remote control, but close our eyes when David James lumbers on the stage. Goalies, though, tend not to get injured as often as outfield players.

So there we have it - two major problem areas, up front and at full-back, where the cover is pretty rubbishy. I'm going to keep reminding myself of this over the next ten weeks, whenever I feel irrational euphoria sweeping over me, or find myself being carried away with . . . nothing really.

The strength of a chain is in its weakest link. The strength of a team is in its weakest player. We could, alas, be carrying two weak links, come 9 June.

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About the writer

Hunter Davies

Hunter Davies is a journalist, broadcaster and profilic author perhaps best known for writing about the Beatles. He is an ardent Tottenham fan and writes a regular column on football for the New Statesman.

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