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Competition

Published 27 March 2006

Competition No 3921

Set by Margaret Rogers, 6 March

We're bored with the usual alphabet as taught in schools. We asked for an up-to-date version that will appeal to yoof.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Wow! The most popular competition to date. But first a letter from a Fane Conant-Williams, in London, who writes: "I entered a competition a couple of weeks ago and although I did not win a prize I am disappointed that I have not been welcomed as a new competitor." I am so sorry, Fane, and welcome indeed. Welcome also to Chris Mills, Harry Glenister, Alan Plater, Denise Blythe, Joanna and Harriet Bazley, Marge and Nick, Judith Enright, Don White, Angie Cooper and Sharon Barnard.

This week we had lots of themes and even a few rhyming couplets. Shirley Curran cheated slightly, but admitted it. However, it was clearly the most authentic and allowed into the winners' box. "Dear Ms de M," she wrote. "Many thanks for this one. It caused great hilarity in my class today. Yes, I admit it: it is the work of many kids who gave me the words they use the most."

A few singletons hit the spot: N for Nits and E for E. I was particularly struck by H for Haitch (Alan Plater), J for JKRowling (D A Prince) and A for Auroch (Valerie Yule). Hmmm. However, there were far too many that got overly serious and political (A is for Abu Ghraib; K is for Kilfoyle). £20 to the winners, the best of whom (J Girvan) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

A is for Adidas; B is for Benetton; C is for Calvin Klein; D is for Donnay; E is for Ellesse; F is for FCUK; G is for Gap; H is for Harrods; I is for Intersport; J is for Jaeger; K is for Kookai; L is for Levi's; M is for Monsoon; N is for Nike; O is for Oasis; P is for Principles; Q is for Quiksilver; R is for Reebok; S is for Selfridges; T is for Topshop; U is for Umbro; V is for Versace;

W is for Wallis; X is for Xessorize (what?!);

Y is for Yves St Laurent and Z is for Zara.

David Silverman

A is for Aviators; B is for Bling; C is for Chick; D is for Dude; E is for E-mail; F is for Freako; G is for Graffiti; H is for Hottie; I is for iPod; J is for Joint; K is for Kickass; L is for Loser; M is for Mobile; N is for Nerd; O is for Obsessive; P is for Perv; Q is for Quitter; R is for Retard; S is for Skank; T is for Turd; U is for Uni; V is for Virgin; W is for Weirdo; X is for XGF (ex-girlfriend); Y is for Yourmom; Z is for Zippo.

Shirley Curran

A is for Ask (Jeeves); B is for Broadband; C is for Cyberspace; D is for Download; E is for E-mail; F is for Finger; G is for Google; H is for Host; I is for Internet; J is for Java; K is for Kilobyte; L is for Login; M is for Malware; N is for Network; O is for Offline; P is for Password; Q is for Quarantine; R is for Router; S is for Server; T is for Terminal; U is for Upload; V is for Virus; W is for Website; X is for Xmodem; Y is for Yahoo!; Z is for Zone.

Sharon Barnard

A is for Acid; B is for Bam; C is for Candy; D is for Dagga; E is for Ecstasy; F is for Flake; G is for Gash; H is for Horse; I is for Ice; J is for Joint; K is for Kangaroo; L is for Love; M is for Mescal; N is for Nose; O is for Opie; P is for Paste; Q is for Quill; R is for Rambo; S is for Schmeck; T is for Tardust; U is for Uppers; V is for Venom; W is for Weed; X is for X-ing; Y is for Yesco; Z is for Zip.

Sid Field

A is for Awesome; B is for Babe; C is for Cool; D is for Dork; E is for Easy; F is for Fine; G is for Glam; H is for Hoodie; I is for Innit; J is for Just; K is for Kickin; L is for Lippy; M is for Movin; N is for Naff; O is for Ooze; P is for Pretty; Q is for Queen; R is for Rave; S is for Skaters; T is for Totally; U is for Urban; V is for Vexed; W is for Whatever; X is for X-ood; Y is for Yob; Z is for Zombie.

J Girvan

No 3924 Set by George Cowley

Peter Wilby wrote (NS, 13 March): "Academics are less adept at writing for wider audiences." So let's have some of them do just that: any intellectual of your choice is taken on to write a national newspaper's problem page.

Max 175 words by 6 April.
E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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