Competition No 3916
Set by Stan Knaffler, 30 January
You were asked for a selection of comments we rarely hear nowadays.
Report by Ms de Meaner
I think some of you got a bit confused. I said "rarely hear nowadays" (ie, it was once heard a lot), not "never heard before". As in Brendan J O'Byrne's: "I'm entering public life so that I can spend less time with my family." A magnificent postbag this week. Welcome to new entrants (never heard from before in any capacity): Rebecca Linton, Gillian Eniffer, Ben Mahmud, Linda Spevick, Janet Guberan, Rebecca Kenyon, V OBrien, Martin Challender, Hazel Wood, Carol Finning, Connie Bowman, Marie Golding, E Cockburn, Geraldine Gibson, Jonathan Stokes, Tim Reeves, Jacky Cox, Gill Norton, Beverley Orasnjak and P M
Geddes. Winners get £5 tokens each. John O'Byrne also gets the Tesco vouchers.
If it rains, put your hood up.
Oh, your label's sticking out.
John Griffiths-Colby
I made my excuses and left.
Adrian Fry
The doctor will see you immediately.
John Rogers
Now my grant cheque has arrived I can buy the set books.
Look at these photos of the children in the bath.
Stephen Bibby
Charlie's dead!
Ben Mahmud
Please, have my handkerchief.
Hazel Wood
May I please leave the table?
E Cockburn
I'll just go and put the shopping trolley back where it came from.
The Football League title is really wide open this season.
Martin Challender
Does this wallet belong to anyone here?
Janet Guberan
Ooh, here's a customer, Sharon. We'd better
stop chatting.
V OBrien
Come and sit on Grandad's knee.
No charge, squire. We couldn't find a thing that needed fixing.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Thanks, Mum.
Carol Finning
It's no wonder I'm fat. I eat too much.
Peter Davies
Pas devant les enfants!
Watson Weeks
They toil not, neither do they spin.
Here's a pound note - I'll have this week's New Statesman, please, 20 Woodbines, a couple of cigars, a bottle of dandelion and burdock, a quarter of humbugs, a bag of toffees, and you can keep the change.
Derek Morgan
I have decided to forfeit the Crown in the interests of the woman I love.
John O'Byrne
Hold on tight, please.
Katie Mallett
Crackling, anyone?
Just putting you through.
Nick Thomas
How thin that child is looking.
Robin Oakley-Hill
Anyone round here got a pencil sharpener?
David Silverman
I'm afraid I failed my A-levels, Dad.
I hope my backpack isn't in your way.
The vouchers go to Keith Norman.
Keith Norman
No 3919 Set by El Basilio
Thomas Jones (LRB) salutes a new and compelling "history of the shipping container". We want an extract from a work on an equally mundane subject.
Max 175 words by 2 March. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
