NS Christmas - Annalisa Barbieri on the essentials of party dressing (no ties or strapless bras on the dance floor, please)

The problem with Christmas fashion is that we try too hard. Instead of taking our inspiration from the protagonists - Jesus and Santa, who were never out of loose and casual clothing - some people save their entire dressing-up urges for just this one, short time of year. This is a disaster because it takes months of practice to marry a restrictive waistband with over-indulgence (tips: volume-wise you can eat more protein than carbohydrates before feeling bloated and, always, drink cocktails over any other type of tipple). And even longer is needed to rehearse dancing well while being dres-sed up, especially for men. Watch MTV, that'll tell you: you have to be on the same choreographic plane as Michael Jackson before you can even think about wearing a tie for a good bump and grind.

There is still a bit of time, however, so here are some hints. John Lewis makes trouser extenders - a short length of elastic with a button at one end and a buttonhole at the other - which helps extend your waistband with varying degrees of subtlety, depending on how much you eat. Of course, a full elastic waistband is by far the better choice, ideally to be worn from 10 December through to Epiphany, but this will buy you few new admirers.

Women have it easier because they have wrap dresses, which are that rare fashion thing - they look fabulous while still being amazingly comfortable. Women also have Spanx Power Panties (www.spanx.com), worth their weight in gold over the holiday season (as Coca-Cola and Gap would have us call it). These are big pants, rich in Lycra fibre, that hold in everything but what you really think of your boss. They are also innovative: a strategically placed opening means nothing needs to be actually removed to pee. Classy. Scholl's Party Feet are another must. These gel-filled insoles help the balls of the feet take the strain of wearing high heels.

If the main part of your Xmas socialising involves sitting around a table, remember to invest more heavily in your top half. So those bottle-green, £460 Christian Louboutin "Sarah B" velvet sandals may look great under the table, but only the very drunk will ever get to see them.

Incidentally, men should always undo jackets when sitting down, and always, always do them up again on rising. This protocol must never be lost, no matter how much other clothing comes undone or how much drink is absorbed. See, this is what I mean about casual being better over Christmas - a good cashmere sweater (preferably from Connolly) can not only see you bobbing up and down without having to worry about sartorial etiquette, but it's also guaranteed to have women (or men, this is a progressive paper) come up and stroke you, which is greatly empowering. The saying "A tactile fibre can bring hope to the ugliest of men" is entirely true.

Now then, dancing. Men must remove ties and jackets when taking to the floor, but if wearing a tuxedo remember that the only dancing permissible is that done with a partner wearing chiffon, following steps, and to music by George Gershwin. Quite frankly, women can do anything they like on the dance floor, as long as they are wearing a fringed hem and act as if trying to relieve a recurring lower-lumbar itch against the bark of a tree. Never wear a strapless bra if the dancing is likely to get energetic.

If lots of photographs are to be taken, then velvet is a no-no. Velvet absorbs light and is likely to make you look flat and dull; at the opposite end of the scale, satin should be avoided unless you have less than 10 per cent body fat. For the same reason, all smart women know that bias-cut is no woman's friend - A-line is precisely 12,000 times better. Male breasts ("man-boobs") are only highlighted by the wearing of a satin shirt or anything fine-knit.

A final word: women can go into a frenzy applying glitter, often rivalling a chimney sweep in saturation levels. Just be aware that glitter cannot turn back the clock, no matter how many body parts it adorns. Merry Christmas!

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