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Competition

Published 28 November 2005

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3907

Set by Brendan J O'Byrne, 7 November

You were asked for ten things you do or say now that bring home to you the awesome distance you have travelled in the past 20-odd years.

Report by Ms de Meaner

As is usual when we ask for lists, there are a select few who send in one gem hidden amid the . . . er . . . un-gemlike material. So, those happy few can have a fiver each. The winners get the usual £20, while the overall top dog also gets the Tesco vouchers. I mean, of course, Dave.

1) Watching the New Statesman's theatre critic, Michael Portillo, performing in a

pop video of "Is This the Way to Amarillo?".

2) Watching a 12-year-old junkie preparing to lead the Conservative Party.

3) Watching the Tories defeat the Labour government in a Commons vote by opposing Labour's erosion of civil liberties . . .

4) Watching Labour prepare to privatise the hospitals.

5) Sitting round the telly with the entire family enjoying watching England play cricket and discussing the merits of reverse swing bowling well into the night.

6) Placing an accumulator bet on England to win the Ashes and the World Cup and a Brit to win Wimbledon in 12 months.

7) Being told to untuck my shirt.

8) Listening to a trainload of people yelling down phones to their financial advisers and nearest and dearest, informing them that they're on a train.

9) Browsing peacefully in the public library listening to the tranquil, hushed clicking of a hundred keyboards in one corner and the shrieks and gurgles from Sure Start Baby Rhyme-Time in the other.

10) Feng shui-ing the garage.

David Silverman

1) When I use the word "digital" I do not mean fingers.

2) I can't remember the cost of a first-class stamp.

3) I don't expect seat numbers on planes.

4) I don't queue to use a public phone.

5) I call Patience "solitaire".

6) I can't quite place the franc, mark, lira, drachma, peseta . . .

7) I punctuate The Archers with the ping of the microwave.

8) I start e-letters with "Hi!".

9) I scour obituaries for age and cause of death.

D A Prince

1) Who needs a phone box these days?

2) I really begrudge having to walk to the television when the remote control's gone missing.

3) Whole milk? No, thank you.

4) I couldn't use my old portable typewriter if I tried.

5) I rarely carry cash, let alone pay with it.

6) I know how many steps it takes me to walk to work and back.

7) My chequebook is almost redundant.

8) I've given up waving at CCTV cameras.

9) I expect to be able to get cash anywhere, any time, if I need it.

10) I watch the wildlife in my garden with a smug smile.

Katie Mallett

I buy classic appellations from the New Statesman Wine Club.

John O'Byrne

I have many buttons to press, but rarely pick up the right remote control/cordless phone/mobile handset first.

Basil Ransome-Davies

The other day I tried to click on the page of a book.

Michael Cregan

I identify with Victor Meldrew.

G M Davis

I follow the Atkins diet in the sure and certain knowledge that fry-ups are good for me.

Watson Weeks

No 3910 Set by Keith Norman

Advice, please, for Tory party members on the choice that confronts them: briefs or boxers? Outline the differences between these opposing political philosophies. Identifying the main adherents in other parties could prove instructive. And how do women fit in?

Max 175 words by 8 December. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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