Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3902

Set by Gavin Ross, 3 October

You were asked for anagrams of Lembit Opik, or other celebrities with unusual or foreign-sounding names.

Report by Ms de Meaner

What an absolutely huge postbag, I thought with satisfaction. Then I noticed that a goodly few were second, nay even third, letters from compers apologising for their initial spelling mistakes. Bill Greenwell sent in Condoleeza Rice as "Colonize a creed", then realised old Condi has two zeds, and redoubled his efforts to come up with "I dazzle - no coerce".

Yet others never twigged in the first place. I mean you for one, Basil Ransome-Davies. Piers Brosnan, my dear? Piers Brosnan!? OK, so "A sniper's born" is fantastic. But it just won't do, I'm afraid. I tinkered away with the correct spelling in my own time, but could only come up with "Can sniper bore?" Which isn't half as good. And as well as pointing out to newcomer Stephen de Winton (welcome) that it's Madsen Pirie not Madson, I must say how much I enjoyed his list of Lembit Opik anagram suggestions: Tom Bilkpie, Mike Polbit, Kit P Mobile, Kit Pilemob and Ebo Milkpit. A tactic followed by another newie, Stephen Baker, with Tim B O'Pikle and Mike B Pilot. Not quite what I had in mind, but amusing none the less. I wasn't sure how to take his "B P Oil Mekit", but if ever Mr Opik decides to quit the Commons, fate is obviously pointing to a career with the black stuff.

In fact, there were a lot of newcomers this week, not least Sean McCusker, who clearly wasn't that impressed. Gavin Ross, he suggested, could be rendered as "Roving ass". Tut tut.

All that was left for me to do was fall back in amazement at the sheer talent of Anne Du Croz this week. Lots of you had good singletons or doubletons, but none equalled her in numbers. Well done, and naturally the Tesco vouchers go to her. The prize monies are to be distributed as follows: Du Croz £20; £10 each to Smoker and Greenwell; while the rest can have £5 book tokens.

Lembit Opik: I like to B MP

Saddam Hussein: UN's said he's mad

Peter Mandelson: Mean old serpent

Osama Bin Laden: A damn alien SOB

Michael Schumacher: Reich male, much cash

Frankie Dettori: Taken it for ride

Martina Navratilova: Variant, rival to a man

Luciano Pavarotti: Put on a ravioli act

Peter Andre: A pretender

Jackie Chan: Hijack acne

Andre Agassi: Grass an aide

Albert Einstein: Ten elite brains

Gloria Estefan: Large fat noise

Anne Du Croz

Sven-Goran Eriksson: Snog? Nor a kiss? Never!

David Seymour

Angela Merkel: All German, eek!

John Griffiths-Colby

Kofi Annan: Ink on a fan

David Bibby

Lembit Opik: Lib MP, tie OK

Nelson Mandela: One man ends all

Kylie Minogue: I like 'em young

Macaulay Culkin: I'm a lucky lacuna

Bill Greenwell

Sven-Goran Eriksson: Norse skiver nags on

Ian Birchall

Salman Rushdie: Unarmed, I slash

Gore Vidal: A viler god

Martin Scorsese: Screen is a storm

Barbara Smoker

Osama Bin Laden: Oil and beans, Ma?

George Cowley

No 3905 Set by Keith Norman

In ancient times, the gods spoke to the Dubbyas of the day through oracles whose pithily cryptic or ambiguous utterances were often misunderstood. Please supply the exact text of the Delphic advice that may have been received and misinterpreted by some of today's public figures. You may send in more than one piece of advice.

Max 150 words by 3 November.

E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website