Drink - Shane Watson freezes out Absolut Icebar
Published 24 October 2005
This new winter wonderland is less Doctor Zhivago, more dodgy Santagram
I must have met ten people who'd booked well in advance for the new Absolut Icebar (and book you must) because the idea of an ice cave in the heart of the West End of London, where you drink iced vodka cocktails, from glasses made of ice, while perched on ice stools, sounded too good to miss. There's something about the winter wonderland factor that does it for everyone. The men are thinking Ice Station Zebra, James Bond, white parkas with wolf trim, teams of huskies and girls naked under elk skins. The women are thinking Doctor Zhivago, Nanook of the North and fox-fur hats. And we're all thinking, "How much more refreshing than shuffling down to the pub." Even the fact that you can stay in the bar for an allocated 45-minute period only, and are obliged to wear special protective clothing - it's -5 Centigrade in there - adds to the sense of adventure. Frankly, I couldn't wait to get down to Heddon Street, W1, and start channelling Lara.
Well, where to begin? The Icebar is disorganised: the booking system creates the kind of atmosphere at reception that you get at budget airline check-ins when the air-traffic controllers are on strike. When, eventually, you are presented with your Icebar outfit, it turns out to be a heavy silver-coloured cape with the hood trimmed in something synthetic, saucy lace-up neckline, and with mittens attached. Obviously it's no picnic trying to design anti-freeze clothing with a hint of sex appeal, but opting for the dodgy Santagram look is no solution. Plus the capes smell weird, though not that weird compared to the "bar" itself, which has the same odour as a fridge in need of defrosting, and all the atmosphere of an isolation unit.
Still, you're probably thinking, get some yummy cocktails inside you and I bet it all starts to fall into place. But that would require the cocktails to be drinkable, which these (all of the colourful-ingredients-with-cough-medicine-flavours variety) were not. This is quite some claim to make when you are freezing your feet off and clock-watching in an ice-lined cell. We got through our 15 minutes inside (it would have been five, but we felt we had to give it a chance) only by running through the worst possible ideas for bars to see if any of them could top this one for sheer discomfort and lack of ambience. Those that just did were the Tear Gas Bar and the Dentist's Electric Drilling Bar, but it was a close call. And Icebar is really, really cold, with not so much as a photograph of migrating penguins to distract you. Don't go. Even if you want to see what a room lined with 40 tonnes of ice looks like. Even if someone else is paying. Don't even think about it.
Absolut Icebar, 29-33 Heddon Street, London W1
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