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Competition No 3884

Set by Valerie Yule, 30 May

You were asked for ten inventions that could save the world from the catastrophes we believe may lie ahead.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Some of you wrote in nervously that you couldn't think of ten ideas (ie, were sending in, say, only eight). Others just couldn't think of ten good ideas. Actually, I was only making sure I had a decent range from each entrant. So, as long as you sent in enough good ones, I let that person into the winners' box. I excluded John O'Byrne on these grounds, although I loved his "device like a paintball gun that fills in the holes in the ozone layer with billions of tonnes of discarded bubblegum". £15 each to the winners, the best of whom (Jack Lee) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

A "thing" for fixing the things that inexplicably go wrong with computers.

A peace-loving drug in the water supply.

The ultimate mobile-phone jammer.

Self-cloning jeans.

Personal microclimates.

A foil and cling-film holder that works.

Basil Ransome-Davies

The inverted millennium dome: converts to a parabola attached to heat pumps that direct products of global warming into space.

Holographic eco-lunch: food that looks like a feast for a king as you eat your modest soya ration.

Shirley Curran

Vegetable-fibre car: decomposes naturally if abandoned, reducing to a small pile of odourless compost, easily removed by street sweepers.

Slim-line doors, preventing the obese from entering any establishment where food is sold/served.

Asteroid umbrella: keeps you and your pets safe in the heaviest "shower".

The "Credo ergo sum" badge, the thinking person's choice to replace government-enforced ID.

Superbug converter: irresistible to MRSA, converting germs into organic compost and retailing through NHS outlets.

Personal ozone layer: individual or family size, for outdoor summer safety.

D A Prince

Ink that senses untruth and flashes red to alert the reader.

Genetically modified trees that have leaves which aren't a problem for trains.

Wind turbines that are invisible to us but visible to birds.

Either a plant that grows steak-fruit, or a cow that photosynthesises.

A gas-permeable bouncy shield to make sure the next killer asteroid rebounds safely into space.

An all-element philosophers' stone, which can be fired into the sun to turn iron to hydrogen and hence prevent our star from going boom in 4.5 billion years.

Jack Lee

The volcano shelter: a rigid but lightweight structure that can be erected quickly over a village to protect the inhabitants from volcanic fallout. It will withstand ash, pumice and lava, all of which will be directed away from the village by means of "shutes" at the shelter's edge.

The self-righting skyscraper for earthquake

zones. Self-explanatory.

Artificial sun: to orbit the earth under the haze of volcanic fallout to enable crops to grow.

Katie Mallett

Biodegradable chewing gum.

Exciting vegetarian cuisine.

A genuine social-democratic party.

G M Davis

Sophisticated radar to enable the police to distinguish between guns and chair legs.

Genetically modified foxes that don't run away, but maul the hunt-master to death.

Laser guns that remove the hoodie from anyone entering a shopping mall.

Ian Birchall

No 3887 Set by Valerie Yule

A new religious sect has been created. Design suitable "dress" (for boys or girls) that will conflict with school uniforms. Include rationale. If uninspired, pick an already extant sect, but not a major religion.

Max 150 words by 30 June. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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