Competition No 3883
Set by Brendan J O'Byrne, 23 May
So . . . Macbeth may be about to be rehabilitated. You were asked to imagine spin-doctors' campaigns to rehabilitate other characters "unfairly" maligned by the Bard - Richard III, for example.
Report by Ms de Meaner
Most of you sent in Richard III, as we suggested, but there was quite a good range to choose from. Besides the more usual Iagos, Shylocks and Lady Macbeths, we had a Malvolio from Lisbeth Rake ("He scorns cakes and ale as unhealthy and likely to lead to obesity") and a Regan and Goneril from Gordon Gwilliams (". . . acted to prevent Britain degenerating into chaos. Could Cordelia have done that?"). £20 each to the three winners, the best of whom (Adrian Fry) also gets the Tesco vouchers.
Richard III was a martyr to back pain and the medieval Catholic shibboleth that the "badness" of a back proceeded from the soul. Richard channelled his own pain into its infliction on others, his murderous activities furnishing us with vivid insights into a period preceding even the infancy of palliative medicine. With his single-minded pursuit of life goals and his pioneering work fashioning a disturbing body image into an instrument of terror, Richard must now be recognised as a politically engaged activist passionately fighting for the right of the disabled person (albeit himself) to reach the absolute pinnacle of the English socio-political hierarchy. Even modern disability rights campaigners inclined to baulk at infanticide now acknowledge that Richard was breaking new ground, positively discriminating in his own favour, demanding that his people examine their automatic, sentimental preference for able-bodied, legitimate, yet ignorant princes over an experienced, if differently spined, king.
Adrian Fry
In the field of marriage guidance, Iago was centuries ahead of his time. His Venetian School of Psychodynamic Family Therapy pioneered many innovative techniques. He would invite patients to bring along some object of sentimental value or romantic significance (a portrait or handkerchief, a Cornetto wrapper or a bill for a 30-million-lira coffee in St Mark's Square) to assist the therapeutic process. Sometimes he would bring along an item himself.
Iago was well aware of his detractors' claim that his patients actually had no relationship difficulties prior to therapy and that he exacerbated their situation. He was, however, invariably able to convince critics that they were "just jealous".
He proceeded to demonstrate that most happily married couples were in fact in denial, and that, given time, he could enable them to work through this and develop a healthy insight into their true condition.
Bibliography:
Freud, S (1923) Iago and the Id
Freud, A (1937) Iago and the Mechanisms of Defence
David Silverman
Richard would have enhanced the 21st-century boardroom. He was the son of Richard of York who, you will recall, gave battle in vain. No wonder Richard - soon to be placed third - intuitively grasped the precepts of modern business practice. He understood the importance of setting goals - for example: 1) be king; 2) keep being king. He realised, also, the need to plan how to overcome obstacles. He set his goals, made his plans and then saw - especially in the obstacles department - that they were speedily executed.
He may have been spinally challenged, but his ability to take executive decisions - and see what or whoever executed - would be valued, as would his ability to keep things in proportion with outside interests. His love of horses is well known: he said he would give his kingdom for just one of them.
M E Ault
No 3886 Set by D A Prince
"Man's love of gadgets," wrote the Guardian, "has . . . entered a new realm: real men want a real iron. From now on, Argos will describe some of its more expensive models using jargon usually associated with high-performance cars . . . or top-of-the-range shavers." How might it describe other appliances?
Max 100 words by 23 June. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
