Westminster bag carriers from among the 1997 intake are revolting at this month's delivery of red boxes and chauffeur-driven cars to arrivistes of the class of 2001. A group of overlooked, "maturing" backbenchers - Mike Foster, Tom Harris, Stephen McCabe and Phyllis Starkey among them - declined to carry on as parliamentary private secretaries. Particular gnashing of teeth was heard over the rapid promotion to a junior health post of Liam Byrne, victor of the Birmingham Hodge Hill by-election just ten months ago. The tears of reshuffle resentment spell trouble for the Chief Whip, Hilary Armstrong. The PPS brigade acted as mini-whips and now, freed from their shackles, sound rebellious.
Tony Blair curiously refuses to discuss his lucky tie, a red number decorated with small blue frogs. The sharp-eyed Press Association political editor, Jon Smith, author of what must be the first book on the election, noticed it on 5 April, the day the contest was called, and again on 6 May as the PM re-entered No 10. Blair brushed off inquiries, implausibly claiming he had pulled it by chance, twice, out of the wardrobe.
The BNP leader Nick Griffin has admitted to wearing a bulletproof vest during the election. Taking time out between court appearances on race-hate charges, he told Barnet Hospital Radio an Islamic or Irish republican terrorist might try to bump him off. Preaching poison may produce paranoia, but the threat is from within rather than without. BNP knives are being sharpened for Griffin, who personally performed
poorly, just saving his deposit in Keighley.
He needs a vest to cover his back.
No one, it seems, takes this government seriously any more. The derision heaped on Charles "Chief Super" Clarke, the Home Secretary, at the coppers' annual hate-fest in Blackpool exposed a sharp decline in Labour's authority. The chief super performed his big inflatable purple balloon act when a constable from Dorset lampooned proposals to dress young offenders on community service in Tango-orange boiler suits. An enraged Clarke puffed himself up with so much indignation before denouncing his tormentor as "juvenile" that one Police Federation rep feared a human explosion.
That goody two-shoes James Purnell is unlikely to stay up late enough to enjoy his new post of minister for creative industries, otherwise known as the Palace of Westminster's chief ticket tout. The SW1 ticket master, it emerges, likes his kip. Disturbed comrades recall how, on a defence select committee jamboree - sorry, inquiry - to Jerusalem, he sneaked upstairs to bed as they discussed pressing matters of state downstairs in the bar. To express displeasure at this shocking display of unparliamentary behaviour, the group persuaded the night porter to let them into Purnell's room where, as he slept, his bath was filled with dozens of empty wine and beer bottles.
And finally, apologies to regular readers for returning to the wannabe Tory defector Helen Clark. Conservative bigwigs may be interested to learn of a letter sent by the Labour MP just days before she lost Peterborough. The excitable Clark accused Michael Howard and her local opponents of lying, and demanded "immediate" action by Labour HQ. Just the type of recruit the Tories would welcome, I presume.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
