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I don't regret it and I'm not ashamed

Published 04 April 2005

Observations on abortion

If I had let nature take its course 18 years ago, I would now have a child aged 18. I did not and do not. I am probably the kind of person that anti-abortionists dislike the most, because I could have made a different decision and made it work. I come from a reasonably comfortable, middle-class background; financially, the means would have been found to cope. My family would have risen to the occasion with emotional and practical support if I had needed it. I was a student at the time but would probably have found a way to continue my studies eventually.

So my decision to terminate my pregnancy was based not on desperate need, but on circumstances and free choice. I was a teenager with no desire to become a teenage mother. I was not certain that my then boyfriend would turn out to be my life partner (he didn't). I had no means of supporting a child independently.

That decision is one I have never regretted, nor is it one that I feel ashamed of. I have never looked back, either. It is something that is over and done with, and for every woman who tells her story of a post-abortion lifetime of guilt and sorrow, I suspect there are far more who put the situation firmly behind them.

I know some of them, and you probably do as well, though it's not a topic that comes up in conversation. But abortion is not the territory of some mythical, promiscuous Vicky Pollard subspecies. Ordinary, sensible women can make mistakes, and they always have done: women like your colleagues, your daughter, your wife, your friends and even your mother.

Writing very recently, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, leader of Catholics in England and Wales, said that when it comes to abortion, "it is the strong who decide the fate of the weak; human beings therefore become instruments in the hands of other human beings". Surely, that is exactly what happens when abortion becomes a political issue? Strong politicians decide the fate of their fellow humans. This is certainly not a subject for politicians to toss into the brutally knee-jerk arena of pre-election vote-grabbing.

An unwelcome pregnancy is shocking and upsetting. I was lucky enough to receive sympathetic, non-judgemental help for a relatively uncomplicated early termination. Every woman who finds herself facing a similar situation, what-ever her circumstances, should receive the same. And how crucial this is for any woman contemplating a possible late abortion, so much more traumatic mentally and physically. No woman would go through such a trial on a whim.

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1 comment from readers

dying_2_b_perfect
30 November 2008 at 00:51

Id just likes to say I LOVE YOUR ATTITUDE. I am the same I have booked in for my abortion. I put it off the other day because I didn’t realize that it was going to happen then and there. and I just wasn't ready mentally, I know I will not regret my decision as it would not benefit me to. What would be the point in me regretting it saying such things as "Oh woe is me" I have read every article over the past few weeks on abortion, pregnancy and teenage mothers. I am in a similar background as to which you stated you were in my boyfriend changes his mind about what he wants from one extreme to the next and sometimes he can be supportive but it does get overridden by what he wants. I believe that television shows such as One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls and Coronation Street don't state how hard it is to bring up a child financially, mentally and physically. Especially when your a teenager such as me and I would have to depend on everyone around me it just wouldn't be fair. I would be tied to my boyfriend forever and at 17. I can not see into the future I want to be stable in every way before I would think of having children. I would not want to be on Jeremy Kyle for Christ’s sake. I think that anti-abortionists don't really have the right be so judgmental if they have not been in this kind of situation before and whatever people decide whether they want to have an abortion or not they shouldn't start reading those anti-abortion websites because it's what you feel in your heart that matters because if you become a teenage mum people will judge you and if you have an abortion people will judge you. So you should do what is right for you and your situation. AND just remember people it's up to YOU and YOU only if you want to regret it. However regretting it won't do anyone any good. I like that quote “ Don’t regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted”

Thanks.