Competition No 3869

Set by Gavin Ross, 14 February

You were asked for Agatha Christie's "take" on Duncan's murder or any other Bardic crime.

Report by Ms de Meaner

I am greatly disappointed. No Ariadne Olivers, no Tommy and Tuppences, no Inspector Japps, no Miss Lemons, and only a few, indifferent Jane Marples. Yes, it was all left to mon cher ami Hercule Poirot to save the day. What strange flights of fancy those little grey cells were put to. £20 to each of the winners. The best of the lot is Adrian Fry, who also wins the Tesco vouchers.

"Mes amis, King Duncan's murder has proved an affair most perplexing for the little grey cells. All the evidence points to Monsieur Macbeth, a coincidence most contrived, which proves he cannot possibly have committed the crime. Madame Macbeth, absolutely in accord with the views of Hercule Poirot on the cleanliness and the hygiene, also emerges with little stain upon her character as upon

her hands impeccables. The drunken porter

had much to say which I found difficult to understand but, as Hastings helpfully observed, that is Scotchmen for you.

But it was while consorting with the witches

picaresque that the solution presented itself. For in all this, is there not a shadowy presence, a nemesis of whose arrival Monsieur Macbeth is much afraid? There is, and he will be arriving any moment now. J'accuse Monsieur Burnham Wood!"

Adrian Fry

"It was le mouchoir, how you say, the hanky, that aroused my suspicions. So convenient for the killer, n'est-ce pas? The second clue was the cry from the wife's body several minutes after being smothered by her husband. A fact never satisfactorily explained, not to these little grey cells.

"I also noticed that the only person to emerge relatively unscathed was Michel Cassio, of whom honest Iago says: 'He hath a person and a smooth dispose to be

suspected - framed to make a woman false.'

"So, Desdemona never did die, but she and her lover cleverly engineered the suicide of her husband, using the handkerchief to fuel Othello's jealousy. Motive? Ah, mes amis, the old story.

"Enfin, while the lovers are guilty of causing death, yet we have not unmasked the real murderer. A man with a long record of killing off the characters he has himself created. Exactement!"

Derek Morgan

"Suspicions naturally fall," continued the little Belgian, "on the likely beneficiaries of Old Hamlet's death: Claudius, Young Hamlet and the Queen. No, Madame, please don't attempt to leave. However, it is the evidence of the supposed ghost which is our best clue. It puts forward a murder method (poison in the ear) and points the finger at Claudius. Mais, mes amis, there is no known poison which works in the alleged manner, a little fact which led me beyond the histoire of the 'ghost'. One further question: who is this alleged ghost? Footprints on the battlements tell us that the ghost is only too temporal. Clearly it can have been none of those who witnessed the haunting, which again points to Claudius. Please, Your Majesty, remain seated. However, the ghost's appearance in Gertrude's bedchamber at a time when the King was known to be in conference (and Polonius lay lifeless behind the arras) leads us to one suspect and one only: a man known to enjoy theatricals and dressing up; whose imitations of figures at court, including the King, are greatly admired; who has access to all parts of Elsinore Castle; who has, we are told, much land fertile. How did he come by it? All will emerge in due course. But look to the lady; she faints! If you inspect her lockets I think you will find in one the likeness of her steward, suitor and may I say petit ami, the 'waterfly' Osric."

Gerard Benson

No 3872 Set by Margaret Rogers

You have been promoted to the post of poet laureate. Let us have verses in whatever style you think appropriate celebrating the engagement/nuptials of Charles and Camilla.

To be in by 17 March (to appear in issued dated 28 March). E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk