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Competition

Published 25 October 2004

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3852

Set by Margaret Rogers, 4 October

We asked for the point of view of the fox set to some well-known tunes.

Report by Ms de Meaner

I thought hard, but have allowed Josh Ekroy's "The Thought-Human" (after "The Thought-Fox"), although I agree it's not a "tune"as such. But the dictionary does allow "an agreeable succession of musical sounds", and who's to say that Ted Hughes's reading of his work wouldn't have been exactly that? I could have done with a bit more viciousness from the rest of you though. £20 goes to the winners, the best of whom (Shirley Curran) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

I imagine this morning's moment's paddock

Here, where port-swilling toffs

Quaff and guffaw, and silk-scarfed women

Show their canines when they scream.

Scarlet-jacketed, horn-puffing, rubicund bodies are bold

To come across clearings,

Thundering here - and there - howling,

Slobbering, staggering, leaping.

Then with a sharp hot stink of human

They enter the dark hole of the universe.

The sky is starless still.

The page is printed.

Josh Ekroy

D'ye ken, I feel as I run away,

"What the hell'd I do to deserve today?

Why do these great beasts want to drive me away,

From my mate and my cubs for their pleasure?"

Oh, the stench of the hounds drove me from my bed

And my dreams of my kin as they screamed and bled.

Oh, the beasts must surely be out of their heads,

To behave as they do for their pleasure.

Paul Clemo

("Onward, Christian Soldiers")

Victory to the foxes, we shall multiply,

Wage a war on chickens; ducks and hens must die.

Horses to the knackers, hounds boiled down for glue,

Hunters shall be counselled, pinks in mothballs too.

Refrain

Victory to the foxes, we shall multiply,

Wage a war on chickens; ducks and hens must die.

Scavenge in the city, rip bin-bags to shreds,

Children's pets shall perish: we'll snap off their heads.

Shirley Curran

We'll all go ahunting today

What a fine hunting day, it's as balmy as May,

And the bastards are after my hide.

They're pounding behind me with death on their mind -

They can't simply go for a ride.

They're a bloodthirsty clique. It's my life that they seek,

All those hunters in scarlet display.

They're sick of their lives and they're tired of their wives,

So they've all come ahunting today.

They went up to town, but they quickly came down

When the cops cracked a few of their heads,

And they're bored with the pub and the Rotary club

And the routine of musical beds.

They feel misunderstood, so they charge through the wood

And their motive is purely to slay.

Only blood sports remain as a sop to their pain,

And they've all come ahunting today.

Basil Ransome-Davies

No 3855 Set by Keith Norman

Sir Michael Redgrave once startled his fellow actors by announcing on stage that he was proceeding immediately to No 9 Flask Walk. Radio prompting devices, as allegedly used by Dubbya, have been known to pick up signals from taxi firms, the police, ambulance services, etc. Could we have a speech, debate or interview in which a major political figure seems to be suffering from unfortunate interference.

Max 200 words by 4 November. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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