Competition

Competition No 3841

Set by Margaret Rogers, 19 July

We asked for hymns for Labour or another party that encapsulate their thinking, as the words of "All Things Bright and Beautiful" do for the Tories.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Not bad. It all felt a bit like the alternative words we gels used to sing in assembly at the start of the school day. Ah, youth! £20 to the winners, the best of whom (Shirley Curran) also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Enduring, invincible,

Tony the wise,

Behind concrete barriers

Hid from our eyes,

So Teflon, so charming:

"A quite normal guy",

In Iraq's freed nation

Our proud flag can fly.

Unchanging, ambitious,

With no reverse gear,

And wanting a third term,

Thy tough fight we hear.

No fraud can thee tarnish,

Thy glory we see

And praise the spin-doctors

Whose skill guideth thee.

Shirley Curran

All men dull and credulous,

All teachers with no balls,

All things vague and nebulous;

Lib Dems embrace them all.

In corduroys and Citroens,

On councils and in schools,

They seek to change the systems

By fiddling with its rules.

All men bright but quizzical,

All those who're in two minds,

Those who wax equivocal;

They're all Lib Dems, you'll find.

Adrian Fry

All Acts bright and beautiful ,

All measures great and small,

All deeds wise and wonderful -

Thank Tony for them all!

His economic planning

Will lead us to our goal.

And if you're left behind us

There's still the good old dole.

(chorus)

God gave us smiles to greet him,

And hands that we might clap,

And tongues to damn all critics

As spouting jealous crap!

(chorus)

On crime, on schools, on Europe,

His praises we should sing!

Let's send Prince Charles a-packing -

Let's make our Tony king!

(chorus)

Michael Cregan

Spin on, spin on, new Labour,

For presentation's all.

Let's sing from the same hymn sheet,

On-message one and all.

Without the Sun's approval

We'll always face defeat.

So please don't breathe the S-word

And we shall keep our seats.

Take down that old red banner -

Its colour's far too bright.

Let's soften up our image

And shuffle to the right.

With Prudence for to guide us

Along the true Third Way,

Though we might tell some porkies,

In power we shall stay.

John Nye

Lead us, O thou Great White lawyer,

Backwards from the Promised Land.

We are weak, but thou knowst better.

Social welfare could not stand.

Zero tolerance, books in balance.

Who could rightly ask for more?

Now we see Keir Hardie's party

Did not serve to build up wealth.

Private enterprise will rescue

Schools and gaols and National Health.

Fees for college, mess of pottage.

Help us not to ask for more . . . etc

Andrew Wilcox

Competition No 3844

Set by John Crick

India Knight wrote (in her book The Shops): "It goes without saying that shopping can be political." Can we have your account of "political shopping".

Max 200 words by 19 August. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk