Competition No 3834
Set by Brendan J O'Byrne, 31 May
You were asked for hints or clues from celebrities' childhoods about how they would later achieve their celebrityhood.
Report by Ms de Meaner
I was so taken with El Basilio's Keith Richards, David Silverman's Tim Henman and Sid Field's Zeno that I was stuck for some time over who would get the Tesco vouchers. In the end it had to be our Dave, as he managed more than one entry. If you sent in puns, my darlings, they had to be good. I'm afraid I rejected a lot of rather obvious ones (often from more than one comper) that seemed just too easy. Eg, Guy Fawkes's doting parents were always certain that one day he would set the world alight; and Lee Harvey Oswald's mother told him he'd need to work hard if he wanted to be famous and he said he would give it his best shot. Ha ha. £5 book tokens to the rest of you.
Keef was a wild child, but usually a little smack calmed him down.
Basil Ransome-Davies
"Now then, Tony, play fair! You never let the other boy have his turn," the teacher remonstrated.
Keith Mason
"Well, Christopher, what goes around comes around," said Mr Columbus.
"Isaac, if you drop that you'll have to pick it up," warned Mrs Newton.
Katie Mallett
"You little monkey, Charlie! How I came to give birth to a child like you, I do not know," scolded Mrs Darwin.
"Fava beans aren't enough for a growing boy, Hannibal. Wouldn't you like something else with them?" asked his mother.
Anne Du Croz
Noam Chomsky's parents never corrected his grammar.
Sigi Freud was told to forget all about it.
Andrew Wilcox
Young Margaret Roberts had to be reminded frequently to put the vegetables in the larder not the cabinet.
Lisbeth Rake
"Son, you'll be a bachelor boy and that's the way you'll stay," said Mrs Webb.
"Remember, son, it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts," said Mr Henman.
Godot simply could not grasp the rules of hide-and-seek.
David Silverman
"Do you have to make a drama out of every little thing, William?" asked Mrs Shakespeare.
R J Pickles
"You've got five seconds before the film starts, Quentin," said his little sister. "Three, five, two, one, four."
Bill Greenwell
"That child of yours, Mrs Atlas, always looks as if he is carrying the world on his shoulders."
Mrs Keynes always found that a few words from her son would lighten her depression.
J Seery
Unfortunately, the doctor failed to cure the erratic movements of young Adolf's right arm.
G M Davis
"Son, this thrashing hurts me more than it hurts you," said Zeno's dad.
Sid Field
"I have asked you 14 times, Jeremy, and I will not ask you again," said Mrs Paxman.
George Rees
No 3837 Set by Margaret Rogers
Ann ("Give him an ultimatum and don't be wet enough to give it twice") Widdecombe's "Buck Up!" agony aunt column in the Guardian needs letters from famous people, real or fictional, historical or from the present day, to even things up. We want both the letter and the reply.
Max 200 words by 1 July (to appear in issue dated 12 July). E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
