Watching brief - Amanda Platell on Ann Widdecombe as agony aunt
Published 19 April 2004
When the Beckhams say they have "instructed lawyers", do they mean libel lawyers or divorce lawyers? Asks Amanda Platell
I have been on both sides of the newspaper injunction fence. As an editor, individuals have succeeded and failed in injuncting my newspaper on the eve, or even the afternoon, of publication. As a spin-doctor, I have given advice to wayward Tories who have proceeded to serve injunctions on newspapers to prevent them running stories about their personal lives (most of which were true, by the way). In the world of libel and multimillion-pound settlements, knowing is not the same as proving. So I allowed myself a wry smile when the News of the World published not one but two weeks' revelations about David Beckham's extra-curricular activities. First, the world exclusive (and it was) "Beckham's secret affair"; then, in week two, a new mistress - "I'm Becks's lover No2".
If the stories were as absurd as he claimed they were, why did David Beckham not sue in week one and injunct the News of the World, preventing both weeks' revelations?
Beckham's denial of the first affair, with the appropriately named Rebecca Loos, was about as reassuring as hearing Tony Blair promise we'll be pulling out of Iraq on 30 June. After the second woman, Sarah Marbeck, came out and claimed wild sex with Golden Balls, the couple again refused to deny the central charge of an affair. They claimed that Marbeck's account was "absurd and unsubstantiated". Well, "We made love four hours after meeting", "Our sex in Posh's bed" and a graphic description of his manhood might count for something. The text messages from Rachel and Sarah to Becks and back again offer further substantiation.
The Beckhams chose instead to say they had "instructed lawyers". This statement left some of us wondering whether they meant libel or divorce lawyers. Becks is no stranger to litigation. He successfully sued the celebrity website Popbitch after it ran allegations about an extramarital affair. If he could stop that story on the grounds that it was untrue, why not these?
Meanwhile, the News of the World is "100 per cent confident" of its stories. It got the celebrity scoop of the century and believes that it has all the evidence it needs to stand the pieces up in court, if the Beckhams ever choose that route, which I doubt.
In the end, we are simply left asking why, if Becks is innocent and has sued before, he is not suing now. We must draw our own conclusions and meanwhile witness the most nauseating display of mock togetherness since Jeffrey Archer posed with his fragrant wife, Mary, after not dissimilar allegations of extramarital activity.
According to the Sun, four uniformed police officers are protecting the Beckhams' home. What the hell for? If anyone needs protecting it will be David, inside his house, from his wife Victoria, once Loos bares all on Sky One for a reported £500,000.
I have always been a great fan of the straight-talking Ann Widdecombe, so it pains me to see her appearing as an agony aunt in the Guardian's G2. If it's supposed to be witty, it ain't. Ms Widdecombe has many great qualities, but irony, self-parody and humour are not among them.
Initially I kept looking in the Guardian's corrections column to see if the initial "B" of the Buck up! column was in fact supposed to appear as an "F", because that's what this is.
And how many Guardian journalists and readers would have felt comfortable hearing Ms Widdecombe deriding the Tory gay summit on the day her column was launched?
Asking her for help with your personal problems is like asking for the Pope's advice on abortion. G2 does many things brilliantly. This is not one of them.
The unthinkable has happened. I have read an interesting column by Anne Robinson. Her plastic surgery confession was a tender piece of writing, especially about her husband, John Penrose, a man for whom we all feel great sympathy. But the following week she was back on top form. Despite having been billed on the front page of the Daily Telegraph as "Anne Robinson: reflections on Posh and Becks", she dismissed the news of the week (apart from Iraq) in two paragraphs and proceeded to boast about the excellent service she and her husband receive in first class on British Airways and from the Ritz Carlton. Anyone would think the woman gets a discount by constantly plugging her favourite airlines, hotels and designers.
Sometimes a piece is written that makes you really stop and think, and Winifred Robinson's account in the Daily Mail of how she is nursing her mother, Marie, through incurable lung cancer was one such piece. The BBC Radio 4 You and Yours presenter wrote about trying to get the family balance right when everything else is wrong. It takes courage to write something this personal. Robinson did it beautifully.
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