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Competition No 3819

Set by Keith Norman, 16 February

You were asked for an extract from Lord Hutton's report into the death of any figure from history or fiction.

Report by Ms de Meaner

First an apology. The report last week said there were two winners getting £30 each. In fact, it should have read three winners with £20 each. This week a newcomer, John Littlefair, gets £25 and the Tesco vouchers; £20 to Josh Ekroy and Peter Walsh. Hon menshes to Adrian Fry and R J Pickles.

Lord Hutton on Thomas Becket

First, the "A" is unnecessary, superfluous and entirely disposable, like so many letters near the start of the alphabet - BBC, say, or AG. Only with "H" does one reach security. However, despite these reservations, there is little real doubt as to the identity of the alleged victim.

I now pass to the question as to whether the archbishop was "axed up". This apparently is capable of numerous interpretations. One must remember that when William de Tracy and his colleagues arrived, Becket was within 45 minutes of celebrating a highly provocative Mass and was already at the top of the altar steps. It seems to me entirely possible that, turning and seeing his interlocutors, he was overcome with remorse and, rather than falling on his own sword, selfishly flung himself on their weapons of mass destruction. He was thus, far from being "axed up", rather "axed down".

Finally, to King Henry's role: there can be no doubt that his expression of the value - nay indispensability - of his erstwhile, somewhat combustible companion to de Tracy et al was clarity itself and has subsequently been misinterpreted in the most pernicious way: "Will, no one rid me of this turbulent priest."

John Littlefair

Lord Hutton on Humpty-Dumpty

I am satisfied that this is not a case where the Crown could have known that an unstable egg would hurl itself from a high wall on which it was so ill-advisedly sitting.

Subconsciously, the intelligence services may have wished to reassure the Crown that the position of Mr Dumpty was quite safe, but there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever to suggest that the "Dumpty Dossier" overstressed the stability of the egg's position in any particular.

Turning now to Ms Alice Liddell, who obtained an interview from Mr Dumpty, which he was not authorised to give, just prior to his fall: the vast bulk of the evidence laid before me suggests that it was this very interview which destabilised him. For years a loyal servant of the royal household, this extremely able egg was put under intolerable pressure, in particular, by Ms Liddell's persistent and intrusive line of questioning. Clearly, much needs to be done in refining the procedures for interviews with leaking eggs.

As for the cavalry, it is to be commended for its efforts, which went way beyond its duty of care, to reassemble Mr Dumpty.

Josh Ekroy

Lord Hutton on the crucifixion of Christ

I am satisfied that the decision to crucify Jesus Christ was one that was made after an independent and rigorous trial by Pontius Pilate. I am further satisfied that Pilate's questioning of him was appropriate and that the Jewish and Roman authorities fully exercised their duty of care towards him.

From the evidence I have heard, I conclude that Pilate acted impartially throughout, although I cannot entirely rule out the possibility that he was subconsciously influenced by thousands of people - led by the Jewish elders - shouting: "Crucify him, crucify him." The issues of whether the trial before the Jewish elders was fair, whether Jesus Christ is the son of God, and whether he deserved to die fall outside my remit, and I therefore wash my hands of them.

Peter Walsh

No 3822 Set by John O'Byrne

Can we have new social and demographic acronyms appropriate to the 21st century, along the lines of Sitcom (Single Income Two Children Oppressive Mortgage); Cave (Citizens Against Virtually Everything); and Nope (Not On Planet Earth).

As many as you like by 18 March. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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