Competition No 3818
Set by Brendan J O'Byrne, 9 February
You were asked to take a word and alter it by adding a letter, changing a letter and deleting a letter - and supplying definitions for all three words.
Report by Ms de Meaner
First off, I must congratulate David Silverman for giving me my loudest laugh of 2004 with his word Iraq ("a dangerous, oil-rich state"), which changed to Iran ("a dangerous, not-quite-so-rich rogue state"), IRA ("a dangerous group of lovable rogues representing a state with no oil"), and then Iraqi ("a not-at-all-rich bemused civilian"). Truly excellent. Ian Birchall did almost as well with Bush ("Blush: expression of shame unknown to presidents; Bosh: nonsense, often talked by presidents; and Bus: public transport not used by presidents"). Amazing. Hon menshes to both. The two winners get £30 each. Bill Greenwell also gets the Tesco vouchers.
Pacifist
Placifist: someone who believes in non-violence to please others. Pacinist: someone who leaves violence to film stars. Pacifit: outbreak of non-violent anger.
Competitor
Compestitor: Basil Ransome-Davies. Compenitor: someone who apologises for being Basil Ransome-Davies. Copetitor: someone as small as Basil Ransome-Davies.
Freudian
Freudifan: uncritical admirer of psychiatry. Fraudian: psychiatrist used as court expert. Feudian: psychiatrist who starts a fight.
Creationist
Cremationist: believer in fire and brimstone. Croationist: believer that life began in the Balkans. Cretionist: believer in Mediterranean island holidays.
Statesman
Stoatesman: cunning radical magazine. Skatesman: slippery radical magazine. Statsman: the Economist.
Bill Greenwell
Columnist
Coolumnist: journalist in touch with youf. Calumnist: writer specialising in libellous copy. Columnit: critic.
Tabloid
Stabloid: paper specialising in character assassination. Tafloid: Welsh rag. Tablid: Press Complaints Commission.
Conservatism
Conservastism: opposition to a change from huge headquarters. Donservatism: the views of the right wing of a university. Onservatism: with-it Tory policies.
Statesman
Statesmane: Michael Heseltine. Stakesman: Robin Cook. Statsman: Gordon Brown.
Anorak
Tanorak: sun worshipper. Antrak: trainspotter. Anoak: wooden.
Destruction
Defstruction: Ministry of Defence guarantee that obliteration can occur within 45 minutes. Deltruction: intelligence report prepared by cockney rogue and wheeler-dealer. Destuction: dodgy dossiers that adhere to the body politic.
Competition
Conpetition: an unsolicited request to mail funds to Nigeria. Cometition: orgasm contest. Compnetition: online rivalry.
John O'Byrne
Fluid
Flurid: muddy, soiled. Floid: glossy, shiny. Flid: small freshwater fish found in Wales.
Caught
Caughat: small Indian cooking pot. Caight: (Scot) chesty, suffering from a cough. Cught: (Irish) mischievous leprechaun.
Banana
Banrana: West Indian celebration. Canana: Mexican dance. Banan: (Russian) outcast.
Liver
Pliver: sharp kitchen knife for boning fish. Liper: tissue used for blotting lipstick. Lier: tall and slim.
Margaret Rogers
No 3821 Set by Gavin Ross
Mary Kenny complains in the Guardian that atheism as a school subject lacks the drama and human interest of biblical and classical mythology. We want Bible stories retold to illustrate the atheist point of view, with appropriate drama.
Max 200 words by 11 March. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
