Competition

Competition No 3812

Set by Margaret Rogers, 15 December

Rapping to well-known carols.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Cool, man. An hon mensh to Bill Greenwell, a £5 token to David Silverman for a few good lines, and £20 to the three winners. Top dude Jackson gets the Tesco vouchers.

The winners' box will come as no surprise to those who know what fate befell "Will Bellenger". A warm welcome to newcomers Lisbeth Rake, Rosemary Mackenzie, Josh Ekroy, Jack Walsh and Barrie Heads. And welcome back to Keith Norman (who may look like a newie, but came third in 1994 and 23rd in 2000), Andy Jackson (23rd in 2002) and Geoff Horton.

"Word! Da Guys Wid Halos Go"

Word! Da guys wid halos go

Biggin' up da newborn bro'

Peace on earth, it ain't no joke

Everything goes better wid coke

Bangin' all my homies rise

Shake ya booty to da skies

Dig da message I proclaim

Brova is born is Beflehem

Word! Da guys wid halos go

Biggin' up da newborn bro'

Homeboy, all MCs adore

Homeboy, King for evahmore

Tell ya, boy, he ain't no sucka

Daddy ain't no muthaf*cka

Veiled in bling an' Timberland

Holy Uzi in his hand

Pleased to dwell here in da hood

Man kicks ass and kicks it good

Word! Da guys etc

Yo, da heaven-born King of Rock

Yo, da ruler on da Block

Beats an' rhymes to all he brings

Raps like Frank Sinatra sings

Wild, da rest can take a hike

Born to rap an' bust da mic

Born to take da suckas down

Born to rock dis whole damn town

Word! Da guys etc

Andy Jackson

"Silent Night"

Silence is da night, night's no light

Y'all is calm, way too bright

Lone in ma zone, dad walkin' out

A problem kid with big bad mouth

Sleep? I can't get none

Heav'n not much fun

Night so silent, night too holy

Sheep guys makin' their way homey

The heavens can do der roly

Shoutin' down rap AL-LU-IA-LOLY

Cos the main man has come Yo

The main man has come Yo

John O'Byrne

"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"

Hear yo', herald angels, sing

makin' all da sky bling-bling;

peace and mercy got no chance -

angels gotta sing and dance.

On yo' feet, da bass'z drummin',

sounds like Armageddon'z comin',

swing yo' ass and shake yo' face,

all da angels doing space.

Hear yo', herald angels, sing

Hup hup higher dan a lord,

Christmas ain't no time for bored;

get da meaning, get da sound,

ain't no baby-father round.

Baby-mutha's revellin' in

all da ways to end da sin,

baby'z tryin' to kip in straw,

baby thinks that'z what straw'z for.

Hear yo' etc

D A Prince

"We Three Kings of Orient Are"

Seeking a peek at the King tonight

Keeping the bright white light in sight

He's the Saviour

The good Lord gave ya

So watch your behaviour

Or he won't save ya -

If you diss Christmas, right? . . . (contd)

David Silverman

No 3815 Set by John Crick

"Sorry, Mr Hamlet, you're not decisive enough for the post of managing director of Elsin Ore Corporation." We want rejection letters delivered to a famous historical or fictional character.

Max 200 words by 30 January (To appear in issue dated 9 February) E-mail: comp@ newstatesman.co.uk