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Competition

Published 17 November 2003

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3805

Set by Brendan O'Byrne, 27 October

We asked for shopworn phrases used so as to nullify their original meaning.

Report by Ms de Meaner

As usual with this kind of comp, there were simply shoals of entries, and lots of you sent in rather similar ideas. I'm sorry, John Marriott, for rejecting your "At the end of the day", but Nicholas Hodgson's was the teensiest bit funnier. I also got a bit jaded with all the variations on "I'd give my right arm . . ." and the many offerings of "You've got to remember you've got Alzheimer's". Well done, all the same. £15 to Mallett, Bibby and Cregan. The rest can have £5 worth of book tokens. The best of the bunch - Nicholas Hodgson - also gets the Tesco vouchers.

We are running a pilot scheme to assess remote-controlled aircraft.

I kept my mouth shut and swallowed the insult.

Robin Oakley-Hill

Between you and me, he was at the end of the row.

It doesn't hurt to have knuckledusters handy.

Bill Greenwell

I'd do anything to be idle.

There's nothing like a good imitation.

I'd die to have a long life.

I'm sick of being healthy.

Katie Mallett

When I was here she was always there for me.

M E Ault

I don't know much about art, but I know what I like about late vorticism.

A burial service? Over my dead body.

Adrian Fry

I wouldn't be seen dead at a Turner Prize show.

Blunkett warns vandals that the writing's on the wall.

Keith Norman

'Er indoors? She's out.

Jamie Bird

If there's one thing I won't tolerate it's intolerance!

Taken in the round, it was fair and square.

I never say "never''.

His guide dog was the apple of his eye.

I choose not to be selective.

Stephen Bibby

This keeping to the straight and narrow is driving me round the bend.

David Barton

The lack of heating made my blood boil.

We are constantly dogged by our neighbour's cat.

Flat racing has its ups and downs.

Prue Sheldon

Give me a hand to lick this competition entry into shape.

I've made up my mind to be one of the don't knows.

Alanna Blake

To be perfectly frank, it's none of your business.

One day we'll realise you can't predict the future.

Basil Ransome-Davies

I'm an unswerving believer in scepticism.

I won't hear a word against freedom of speech.

Watson Weeks

I've got a bone to pick with vegetarians.

I may be blowing my own trumpet, but I'm an excellent violinist.

There's no two ways about it, there's a fork in the road ahead.

I'm sorry, I have nothing to apologise for.

You've got to give him credit, he's never needed an overdraft.

Michael Cregan

If we had a level playing field, it would be downhill all the way.

I think we should draw a line in the sand and smooth things over.

W J Webster

He may be a practising Muslim, but he's a true Christian.

Barbara Smoker

Being stuck on the 18th floor of a tower block isn't what I call the high life.

Ian Birchall

At the end of the day, you've got to get out of bed in the morning.

Let's all sit down together and see where we stand.

This earache's a real pain in the neck.

Nicholas Hodgson

I'll go to the ends of the earth to prove Columbus was right.

David Silverman

If it had happened after my parents died, the shock would have killed them.

J Seery

For the millionth time, stop exaggerating!

R J Pickles

Only time will tell if the theory of relativity holds good.

Chloe Gerhardt

No 3808 Set by Brendan O'Byrne

You are asked to complete the phrase "You know it's time to - when - " Eg, "You know it's time to buy your wife a £1m ring when the best explanation you have is that it wasn't a felony, it was just a cheap sex act in a hotel room."

As many as you like by 28 November. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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