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Competition No 3794

Set by Brendan O'Byrne, 11 August

You were asked for sayings from a made-up person of two names bound together by a common thread, eg, Dirty Harry Potter: "Go ahead, Draco. Make my fortnight!"

Report by Ms de Meaner

The number of cheats I've had to shoot down! Mark Anthony BIair, Marie Claire Short, Spencer Tracy Emin, Mother Theresa May, Frankie Howard Phillips Lovecraft, and so on. I also thought those who sent in Prince Charles and Martin Luther King had a bit of a nerve. Finally, I banned any version of Oliver Hardy Amies's "this is a fine dress you got me into" on the grounds that Ollie never said "fine", but "nice". A tenner for every winner, in addition to the Tesco vouchers, which go to Gervase MacGregor.

Nicolas Walter Mitty: I know there is no God; he told me so himself.

Just William Blake: I don't know whose feet did it, but it jolly well wasn't mine.

Gerard Benson

Douglas Bader-Meinhof: I'm from the RAF.

Bill Greenwell

Prince Albert Einstein: She thinks it's relatively amusing.

George Carr-Hill

Muhammad Ali G: I is the greatest.

Alison Smith

Bob Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that hard rain.

Horatio Nelson Mandela: Kiss me, Mbeki.

L P Hartley Shawcross: The past is a different country; we were the masters then.

Nicholas Hodgson

Robert Falcon Scott Fitzgerald: In a real dark night of the soul, it is always Antarctica in midwinter.

Rachel Carson McCullers: The heart is lonely in the silent spring.

Just William Empson: Not but they thcream, the teasers and the dreams.

Robin Oakley-Hill

Tony Martin McGuinness: Move those gypsies off my farm, and I'll tell you where the shotgun's buried.

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles: You don't have to be beautiful, Camilla, to turn me on.

Monty Don Corleone: I'll make you some compost you can't refuse.

Gervase MacGregor

Barry Norman Tebbit: And why not on your bike?

Keith Norman

Boy George Best: Karma chameleon, please, and one for yourself, barman.

Sid James Cagney: Top of the world, ma! Phwooar!

Anthony Gdula

Just William Boot: Up to sixpenn'orth of Gooseberry Eyes, Lord Copper.

Michael Birt

Dylan Thomas the Tank Engine: I was a slow, black, sloe-black, smoke-bobbing boyo of an engine . . .

D A Prince

Flash Gordon Brown: Prudence and I will conquer the universe.

Elton John Major: Goodbye, yellow brick road. Oh yes.

G M Davis

Ricky Nelson Mandela: Hello Mary Lou, goodbye apartheid.

Penelope Keith Flett: It's a good life writing letters.

Ian Birchall

No 3797 Set by George Cowley

Andrew Hussey writes (NS, 18 August): "The language of psychoanalysis is overused in daily life." We want a romantic dialogue where the couple try to psychoanalyse each other.

Max 150 words by 12 September (to appear in issue dated 22 September). E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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