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Competition No 3793

Set by George Cowley on 4 August

Limericks for Tony Blair.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Fantastico. A bumper crop, even though it's the summer holidays and you're all sunbathing on Greek islands (wherever). Hon menshes to all. A tenner per limerick, and the Tesco vouchers go to Barrie Heads, for excellence beyond the call of duty.

Said the new Labour Honcho (no less),

Of Alastair's noted finesse,

"If he's master of spin,

"Why the hell am I in

"Yet another fine, balls-aching mess?"

Watson Weeks

Past a landmark our PM's just lumbered,

With multiple problems encumbered.

Now the record's been broken,

Let us speak the unspoken:

Blair's days are both counted and

numbered.

Keith Norman

Oh Tony's the lord of the dance,

To the left and the right, how he plants

His trotters, the pig!

Yet how jolly his jig:

More Flatley than Attlee, perchance.

Bill Greenwell

We've a fine Labour leader in Blair,

His time spent in office is rare.

He's beaten Clem Attlee

By three weeks exactly,

So why should we socialists care?

Tony Smith

There was a young student from Fettes

Who decided he wanted to get us

A role in the east.

We told him: "You beast,

"It's peace that we want." He won't let us.

Brian Allingham

Blair, as he lay by the sea,

Moaned sadly in real misery.

"Oh Cherie," he wailed,

"This year I have failed:

"Our air fares were paid by poor ME!"

Gabrielle de Pauw

"It just isn't fair," grumbled Tony,

"That people all think me a phoney.

"Because I'm Prime Minister,

"My aims must be sinister,

"And if I've a friend, he's a crony."

Carolyn Beckingham

Casus belli for Anthony Blair

Was weapons that weren't really there

And that could at a push

Be aimed at George Bush,

Given forty-five minutes to spare.

Tony Black

To call him a poodle is dumb

(French poodles are sharp as they come).

His stories are shaggy,

The truth's getting baggy -

Our very own Pedigree Chum.

D A Prince

There was a young Sedgefield MP

Who married a girl called Cherie.

But forget this preamble:

He really loves Campbell,

And Cherie loves Carole, whoopee!

Dave Hillsborough

Said Tony: "I'm over a barrel,"

To his wife in her latest apparel.

"There's three of us here

"In this marriage, I fear,

"There's you and there's me and

there's Carole!"

Barrie Heads

A demented young fellow named Blair

Saw WMDs everywhere.

When he searched all around

And they couldn't be found,

He said: "So bloody what? I don't care."

Gerard Benson

No 3796 Set by Margaret Rogers

Socially, August is "this most problematic of months", wrote Andrew Martin (11 August). We want verses to August by 5 September. E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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