Watching brief - Amanda Platell finds the Telegraph heavier than ever
Published 10 March 2003
The new-look Daily Telegraph clearly believes Anne Robinson is its strongest link. Yet when she left the Daily Mirror for Today, neither paper lost or gained a single reader
Picking up the new Daily Telegraph is like bumping into an old girlfriend in the street. You can't immediately put your finger on why she looks different - is it love, weight loss or Botox? Anyway, she looks years younger, and so does the Telegraph.
Perhaps the most startling thing about the relaunch is its refreshingly old-fashioned tactic of concentrating on the journalism. On any given day, it has an impressive line-up of writers (take Saturday - David Hare, Anne Robinson, Allison Pearson, Norman Mailer, Frank Johnson, Irvine Welsh, Michael Parkinson, Mark Steyn) and it gives them room to write.
The redesign is elegant and fresh, opting for the Guardian's ochre, instead of a more traditional blue, for its front-page blurbs. How strange that, as the tabloids grow increasingly ashamed of their red tops, all the broadsheets are becoming orange tops.
And on Saturday, the Telegraph literally crushed its opposition with the sheer weight of a 2lb 11oz package. This is not an exact science, as my kitchen scales have not had extensive use, but I did weigh them all. The Guardian came in second at 2lb 4oz, the Times weighed 1lb 14oz and the Independent 1lb 7oz - always the runt of the litter, but loved none the less.
In the midst of all this talent was what the Telegraph clearly believes to be its strongest link, Anne Robinson. It is curious that editors believe no relaunch is complete without a high-profile, budget-breaking, big-name signing - and they don't get much bigger than Robinson. I was on the Daily Mirror when she left for Today, and even then she was said to have been on a £250,000 package. Two things failed to happen - the Mirror never lost a reader and Today never gained one.
Yet women journalists can learn a lot from Anne Robinson's column. Lesson one: how to suck up to your boss to ensure longevity of contract. This is done by making grovelling references to Sarah Sands, who becomes Anne's BDE, her "beautiful deputy editor".
Fortunately, this humble columnist has not just one BDE - Cristina Odone - but two. My other BDE is my beautiful deaf editor, Peter Wilby.
Lesson two: how to suck up to your clothes designer to ensure healthy discounts. This is done by including a gratuitous free plug for the "elegant, glowing Greetje" at Giorgio Armani, which just happens to be where Anne gets most of her clothes.
I am considering putting my clothing budget up for sponsorship, and TopShop has shown some interest - although I'm a bit too old for the pink leopardskin bootees. And before you even think about it, so are you, Theresa May.
And it was a bit rich of Robinson to take a pop at Margaret Thatcher's late-night drinking, given her own past.
In the Sunday Times Magazine, A A Gill wrote the kind of piece every journalist wishes they were capable of. The writing was so precise and so spare, like a series of sharp punches to the oesophagus. "I've got something to write and it's difficult. I don't know how to say this, how to start. My father's got Alzheimer's. No. Alzheimer's has got my dad, and it won't let go, ever . . ."
The Panorama special "Bush v Saddam" brought together under one noisy roof an audience of British, American and Middle Eastern critics debating war with Iraq. At the end, a BBC commentator said that for further insights into the mind of Saddam Hussein we should tune in to Edwina Currie's show on Radio 5 Live. Oh dear, has she slept with him, too?
The Independent on Sunday must wish newspapers were more like women, then they could never be too thin. After launching its classy and cerebral magazine Talk of the Town, it must be congratulated for having the courage to produce something that, if not breaking the Sunday magazine mould, certainly lives healthily outside it. Even so - yes, those damned kitchen scales again - the Sindy's package weighed in at only 1lb 12oz and was up against the Sunday Times's 3lb 10oz: it was about as fair as a wrestling match between Vanessa Feltz and Twiggy.
Let's hope Talk of the Town helps it to punch above its weight.
What has happened to Sunday mornings? I used to wake up to Breakfast with Frost and slumber to 5 Live's Sunday Service (except occasionally when I was on it). Last weekend, on came the Sunday sermon lecturing me about the evils of alcohol.
After weeks of "explosive reports" on paedophilia, Aids, alcoholism, Colombia's hostages and, wait for it, council tax increases, I just can't take any more. Julian Worricker is a first-rate presenter, so why is he producing radio to slit your wrists by? Lighten up, guys; bring Charlie Whelan back where he belongs, into the studio, and give us all a break - and possibly a laugh?
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