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Competition

Published 03 March 2003

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3768

Set by Margaret Rogers, 10 February

The Observer pointed out that "one in ten people admit to ending a long-term relationship by text message". You were asked to imagine that famous lovers in history had managed somehow to get hold of a mobile phone.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well, that certainly sorted out the men from the boys. I hadn't quite realised how many of you thought "text message" meant some kind of letter, possibly even, wait for it, sent in an . . . envelope. Possibly even by carrier-pigeon. And some of these came in by e-mail, for heaven's sake, which usually means that the sender is some kind of technophile. Yes, I mean U, Colin Nicolson ("We had some great times Madam but three years and no son is not good enough for a man in a hurry. Jane will see after Bess. Sorry Nan your headstrong days are over. Harry") & U Paul Harrod ("After reading Leviticus I find it is a sin to lie with my brother's wife . . ."). I couldn't believe my eyes: the man had even put in an apostrophe!

£15 to the winners. Top dog is Anne Du Croz, who also gets the Tesco vouchers.

Napoleon

Nt 2nite Jsfen Nr 2mRw

Antony

Cstm hs Stld ya fnte Vrty

Cleopatra

Im Rlsng U frm my Grsp

I Thnk Id sOnr hve my Asp

Romeo to Juliet

Ur *xd Lvr Is now ya XLvr

Derek Morgan

Aeneas to Dido

Drlng D WotCnISA2HIpU2CTh$BiZniZMyWA? SRySEms2BTHrdstWrd RLuvs2Ht2Hndle GLoREDAz! GOdVibesALNiteLng! Cld9! UBlMyMnd Btltsimp$ble @TNdOfTDA AMnsGdaDWAMnsGdaD DUEvnNoWotThtMEns? DStnyCols ItsNwRNvr Tm&TdW840Mn WRSALngWRSALngWRSALngCr$TC GOdbyCrthgHiThrROm 0CnStpMeNw IGt7Hls2BIdon! IW4gtU IWAlwysLuvU Bt DWt4Me IfUCntBWivT1ULuvLuvT1YaWiv! BCNU MABNxtYr? MABN Nvrmnd NEthngIsPSbl lBlveInMrcls! DoWotEvrUWan2Do ThASA TOprAntOvrTLTFtLADSngs HwEvr DLmNt DB :-( ALwAsLOkOnTBrItSIdOfLIf ACNtu8T+ BGOd2YaSlf &KEpTHOmFrsBrning DAr2BDFrnt UCIdDoSmthng StrlKng HavAStb@lt! ILBMi$nUALwys&4Evr AFctntly A

Anne Du Croz

Hi JC xxx Judas

John Griffiths-Colby

Byron

Wmn, xperince mitav tolme

Thy finst promisz r 0

When hop iz fled & pashn ovr

I onl no luv mst b shrt

So wel go no mor arovn sl8 int2 th nite

4 hrts b not az luvn & moon b not az brit

Tho nites wr mad fr luvn & day rtrns 2 soon

Wel go no mor arovn by th lite v th moon

Hamlet to Ophelia

Gt thi 2 a nunry 2 a nunry go & qukly

G McIlraith

JFK to Marilyn Monroe

Mst stp cing u snc wyf Jky thrtns 2 xpos me if I dnt. Cnt imgn hw I wld mng wtht u. Th White House stff I cll on 2 rlv sum of th prssr on th dys u r flmng & cn nly mng 2 pop in 4 cupl of kwk shgs, jst cnt cum anywhr nr u 4 sexl xctmnt or, if my wyf wll 4giv th pun, e"jack"ulashun. Sum of my lyl stff kp xprssng gr8 cncrn re smthng nsty hppnng 2 u. Mst cnfss its as Grk to me as Aristotle Onassis. Gd blss America

David Barton

Troilus to Cressida

hi Troilus :~/ bt altho (:- Pa wnt lemme bk 2 Troy, also %-6 aft u fust sooo whn i came 2 Gks camp & NO U WILBY <:-(, bt les fazit, ur jelus & im O:-) bsides Diomeds ok, heez tkng gd care im not bsgd by 8:]z like Ajax etc etc & most Gks r ====:[ Dont gt in strop, but tho sx gd, wld not hv lastd, ur sntmntl, I kno am slag, ask Pandar. Hope ur nt kild tht wld b TRAJICK, like from play by 2BI^2B, betcha we r in HISTRY & PLAYS lv Crezza

Bill Greenwell

No 3771 Set by George Cowley

John Gray (NS, 17 February), in the satirical spirit of Swift, defended the use of torture in liberal democracies: "So, torture is permitted in the American constitution. But it remains legally unregulated . . . this is a highly unsatisfactory state of affairs. The rule of law is a core liberal value. It cannot be compromised in the fight against terrorism. Torture, therefore, must cease to be something practised beyond the law; it must become part of normal judicial procedure." We want you to send in mini-essays in favour of any other unacceptable practice.

Max 200 words by 14 March (to appear in issue dated 24 March). E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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