Competition No 3768
Set by Margaret Rogers, 10 February
The Observer pointed out that "one in ten people admit to ending a long-term relationship by text message". You were asked to imagine that famous lovers in history had managed somehow to get hold of a mobile phone.
Report by Ms de Meaner
Well, that certainly sorted out the men from the boys. I hadn't quite realised how many of you thought "text message" meant some kind of letter, possibly even, wait for it, sent in an . . . envelope. Possibly even by carrier-pigeon. And some of these came in by e-mail, for heaven's sake, which usually means that the sender is some kind of technophile. Yes, I mean U, Colin Nicolson ("We had some great times Madam but three years and no son is not good enough for a man in a hurry. Jane will see after Bess. Sorry Nan your headstrong days are over. Harry") & U Paul Harrod ("After reading Leviticus I find it is a sin to lie with my brother's wife . . ."). I couldn't believe my eyes: the man had even put in an apostrophe!
£15 to the winners. Top dog is Anne Du Croz, who also gets the Tesco vouchers.
Napoleon
Nt 2nite Jsfen Nr 2mRw
Antony
Cstm hs Stld ya fnte Vrty
Cleopatra
Im Rlsng U frm my Grsp
I Thnk Id sOnr hve my Asp
Romeo to Juliet
Ur *xd Lvr Is now ya XLvr
Derek Morgan
Aeneas to Dido
Drlng D WotCnISA2HIpU2CTh$BiZniZMyWA? SRySEms2BTHrdstWrd RLuvs2Ht2Hndle GLoREDAz! GOdVibesALNiteLng! Cld9! UBlMyMnd Btltsimp$ble @TNdOfTDA AMnsGdaDWAMnsGdaD DUEvnNoWotThtMEns? DStnyCols ItsNwRNvr Tm&TdW840Mn WRSALngWRSALngWRSALngCr$TC GOdbyCrthgHiThrROm 0CnStpMeNw IGt7Hls2BIdon! IW4gtU IWAlwysLuvU Bt DWt4Me IfUCntBWivT1ULuvLuvT1YaWiv! BCNU MABNxtYr? MABN Nvrmnd NEthngIsPSbl lBlveInMrcls! DoWotEvrUWan2Do ThASA TOprAntOvrTLTFtLADSngs HwEvr DLmNt DB :-( ALwAsLOkOnTBrItSIdOfLIf ACNtu8T+ BGOd2YaSlf &KEpTHOmFrsBrning DAr2BDFrnt UCIdDoSmthng StrlKng HavAStb@lt! ILBMi$nUALwys&4Evr AFctntly A
Anne Du Croz
Hi JC xxx Judas
John Griffiths-Colby
Byron
Wmn, xperince mitav tolme
Thy finst promisz r 0
When hop iz fled & pashn ovr
I onl no luv mst b shrt
So wel go no mor arovn sl8 int2 th nite
4 hrts b not az luvn & moon b not az brit
Tho nites wr mad fr luvn & day rtrns 2 soon
Wel go no mor arovn by th lite v th moon
Hamlet to Ophelia
Gt thi 2 a nunry 2 a nunry go & qukly
G McIlraith
JFK to Marilyn Monroe
Mst stp cing u snc wyf Jky thrtns 2 xpos me if I dnt. Cnt imgn hw I wld mng wtht u. Th White House stff I cll on 2 rlv sum of th prssr on th dys u r flmng & cn nly mng 2 pop in 4 cupl of kwk shgs, jst cnt cum anywhr nr u 4 sexl xctmnt or, if my wyf wll 4giv th pun, e"jack"ulashun. Sum of my lyl stff kp xprssng gr8 cncrn re smthng nsty hppnng 2 u. Mst cnfss its as Grk to me as Aristotle Onassis. Gd blss America
David Barton
Troilus to Cressida
hi Troilus :~/ bt altho (:- Pa wnt lemme bk 2 Troy, also %-6 aft u fust sooo whn i came 2 Gks camp & NO U WILBY <:-(, bt les fazit, ur jelus & im O:-) bsides Diomeds ok, heez tkng gd care im not bsgd by 8:]z like Ajax etc etc & most Gks r ====:[ Dont gt in strop, but tho sx gd, wld not hv lastd, ur sntmntl, I kno am slag, ask Pandar. Hope ur nt kild tht wld b TRAJICK, like from play by 2BI^2B, betcha we r in HISTRY & PLAYS lv Crezza
Bill Greenwell
No 3771 Set by George Cowley
John Gray (NS, 17 February), in the satirical spirit of Swift, defended the use of torture in liberal democracies: "So, torture is permitted in the American constitution. But it remains legally unregulated . . . this is a highly unsatisfactory state of affairs. The rule of law is a core liberal value. It cannot be compromised in the fight against terrorism. Torture, therefore, must cease to be something practised beyond the law; it must become part of normal judicial procedure." We want you to send in mini-essays in favour of any other unacceptable practice.
Max 200 words by 14 March (to appear in issue dated 24 March). E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
