Watching brief - Amanda Platell is outraged by the Zeta-Joneses
Published 17 February 2003
Catherine Zeta-Jones wept tears at the high court because she had been violated by a cake fork. But if she defeats Hello! will journalists be able to expose hypocrites in public life?
When a woman stands up in court and tearfully claims she was violated, so devastated by an act of betrayal that she spent days crying on the telephone and years later had not recovered, you could be forgiven for thinking she was talking about the loss of a child or a rape. Not so Catherine Zeta-Jones, violated by a cake fork.
She was distraught about the Sun headline "Catherine Eater Jones", next to the picture of her husband Michael Douglas adoringly feeding her a piece of wedding cake. The picture had been run by Hello! magazine to pre-empt the rival OK! from enjoying Hello!'s £1m exclusive.
One can but wonder, then, how Zeta-Jones felt the day after her high court appearance, when she woke up to the Sun's headline: "High Court Oscars. And the whinger is . . ."; or the Daily Mirror's "Ah diddums: Zeta squeals like a baby about privacy after flogging wedding for £1m", with a picture of her with a dummy stuck in her mouth.
Most of the broadsheets put the Zeta-Joneses prominently on their front pages - though the Times allocated just one paragraph to the sorry saga.
Only the Express was sympathetic to them - something perhaps to do with the paper's proprietor, Richard Desmond, also owning OK!.
Once again we have the Human Rights Act to thank for a fundamental threat to our freedoms. What, journalists and lawyers are now asking, are the consequences if the Zeta-Joneses win a legal right to privacy, separate from the existing law of confidence? Could the media ever expose another Jonathan Aitken or Neil Hamilton? Could newspapers have revealed the hypocrisy of a back-to-basics Tory party and exposed David Mellor and Tim Yeo?
Zeta-Jones clearly failed to see the irony when she argued that "preserving my image . . . is vital to my career". Perhaps the lass from Swansea had forgotten the power of the British mass media. Readers are also movie-goers, and right now she's about as much the nation's darling as Edwina Currie.
The most wicked moment came when Catherine flounced in with her £3,500 Hermes handbag and hubby sneered that £1m was a pittance to them after all they'd suffered. In court, he was described as an "enigmatic Hollywood legend" - pretty rich for a self-confessed serial shagger whose most memorable line was: "Honey, she boiled the bunny."
Johnny Vaughan fought valiantly to save the sinking launch of BBC3. In the end, there were only 154,000 survivors on the new "yoof" digital channel. Those who hung on saw a fascinating insight into the lives of the pop singers Nicole Appleton and Liam Gallagher. The scene from the video diary Appleton on Appleton (BBC3, 13 February), in which Nicole and Liam sing and dance for their clearly terrified child, made Michael Jackson look like a normal dad.
Back on BBC1, we had week two of Jeremy Vine's new Politics Show. Still pushing back the frontiers: week one had no ties, week two had no sound. At the beginning where Vine explains what the show's about, he was mute, with noises off shouting things like "Where's the sound?" and "Oh my God, we're live".
I thought for a minute it was another one of Jim Davidson's jokes.
The break-up of two great love affairs has dominated the media. Gordon and Tony are back under the same roof and sorting things out, but no such luck for Jude Law and Sadie Frost.
The long-suffering Sadie has called it a day on her marriage; it is alleged she opened a gift of shoes from her husband mistakenly sent to her home - but intended for Nicole Kidman. A woman can forgive many things - diamonds, La Perla underwear, a holiday almost anywhere - but a pair of £700 Manolo BlahnIks is pure, unadulterated sex.
The Today programme brought about another famous coupling when it twinned Peter Mandelson with Michael Portillo for a debate on Nato. Perhaps politicians only become truly interesting these days when the yoke of collective responsibility is removed from their necks. Unwhipped, the Portillo-Mandelson combo was a captivating one. If the BBC is still in search of people who can make politics engaging, they need look no further than the Mike and Mandy Show.
The first sign that an actress is trying to be taken seriously is when her agent books her for the Guardian's My Media column. Amanda Holden did not disappoint. We learnt she has a special passion for Vogue ("I was on the cover a while ago"), Footballers' Wives (the television series), Terry Wogan and Ian McEwan. "I've read everyfing 'e's done," she said, and is currently devouring Atonement.
The girl must be a speed-reader: it was published in 2001.
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
