Competition No 3756 (mistakenly set as 3758)

Set by John Crick on 4 November

The Pope decides to create some new saints. We asked for suggestions and reasons for your choice.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Well done - I understood Mary Archer, but Jeffrey? Hmm. Hon menshes to Anne Du Croz (Lord Longford) and Margaret Rogers (Terry Wogan). £20 to the winners; the overall winner, D A Prince, also gets the vouchers.

St Charles Windsor of Wales - Born into the austerity of postwar Britain, Charles Windsor has grasped the national thistle firmly. He has stared deprivation in the face all over the world, and is the patron of all things organic, most notably the indigenous wild flora - the royal flush, the dimble minimus, the tampiflex, the bluebottle, the queen mump, the kiltweed, the double chukka, the lowly burrell, and the simple porritt. He has poured his seed unstintingly into the keppel bush, and brought down curses upon the monstrous carbuncle. His understanding of the devoted process of mummification has ensured the survival of a great species which has been hanging on in the British Isles for a thousand years. He has spoken like a true Trappist. The consort of the late Mother Diana, he is a balmoralist for our times, yet lets other trumpets announce his eminent fitness for sainthood.

Will Bellenger

St Sven of Sweden - A deeply pious and ascetic scholar, Sven left his homeland at the age of 36 to work as a missionary in southern Europe. On arriving in England in 2001, many considered him a false prophet and called for him to be cast out. However, he quickly brought spiritual uplift to his followers after a succession of joyful crusades conducted by 11 hand-picked apostles. He is revered for the Diet of Munich, where his apostles, under his direction, appeared five times before their German inquisitors and left the Imperial Teutonic legation in total disarray. Many consider that this event alone merited his instant beatification. He later became patron of an old and feeble seaman whom he supported when all had turned away from him. Despite the temptations of Ulrika, an inconstant and vengeful woman, Sven remained with his chosen handmaiden, Nancy, until his death.

Andy Jackson

St Rolf - Blending the creature-centred vision of St Francis, the nursing passion of Florence Nightingale and the hi-tech, hands-on medical skill of a piecework heart surgeon, Rolf has created a unique brand of communal compassion. Sofa sympathy, safe and secure, welling up from the heart of the home, for the helpless and furry innocence of creatures, injured through no fault of their own, releases our need to care, without burdening us with the uncomfortable ambiguities attendant on the homeless, the drug-takers, the asylum-seekers. Rolf has identified this hole in society's heart, our hitherto unacknowledged love for the "little fella", our screen-inspired prayers for his safe recovery. Through him we feel at peace with ourselves, and all that is clean and cuddly in Creation; we feel the healing power of caring and sharing.

St Rolf's attributes are a chihuahua and a green surgeon's robe, embossed with a bleeding heart.

D A Prince

No 3759 Set by Gerald Windsor

Readers are asked to look on the bright side of life ("Cheer up, Mr Bader. At least your wife can't complain about your hairy legs"). We want letters or advice to real or fictional characters who need "cheering up".

Max 150 words by 6 December

(to appear in our Christmas issue).

E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk