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Competition

Published 04 November 2002

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3753

Set by John O'Byrne on 14 October

"We're addressing the issue", according to John Bird, is politicians' code for "we can't solve the problem". We asked for more such.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Fabulous. And lots of new names. Welcome. £10 to the winners, £5 tokens for the singletons. An hon mensh for Geoff Thurman. Top dog is Derek Morgan, who also gets the vouchers.

. I see no earthly reason to resign (A junior minister will be sacked tomorrow)

. There is no north-south divide (My train passed through Huddersfield last week)

. Well, Jim, John, Sue . . . (Listeners will think politicians are human, after all)

. This is a completely new initiative (I went to California for my summer hols)

Derek Morgan

. Hey, what about the Ryder Cup? (We're bombing Baghdad)

. We owe this to our children and our children's children (This project is indefinitely delayed)

Will Bellenger

. We have had a full and frank exchange of views (I have seen through his lies and I hope he has not seen through mine)

. I can play a constructive role on the backbenches (I shall sulk for four parliaments)

. We have a totally fresh set of proposals (We have changed the order in which we made the old points)

J Seery

. Consultation document (Look, a nice glossy booklet: now get lost)

David Smith

. Talks are under way (And you can't prove otherwise)

Margaret Rogers

. It's very easy for the Opposition to say that . . . (What the Opposition is saying is true)

. We've lifted a million families out of poverty (We've changed the definition of poverty)

Adrian Fry

.Education, education, education (We don't have too many policies at the moment, so we'll just repeat one or two of them unobtrusively and hope you don't notice)

David Silverman

. The police are holding an internal inquiry (The bastard's got away with it)

. Only time will tell (I hope to be in Brazil by then)

John Irwin

. We must modernise, but never forget

tradition (We are opportunists)

. Let's not play a numbers game here (I've no

answer to those figures)

Basil Ransome-Davies

. So let this conference send us all back to our constituencies, our spirits restored, and ready for the determined march back into government (We haven't got a snowball's chance)

David Barton,

. The figures were made public at the time (We sneaked them out on 11 September)

Keith Norman

.No decision has yet been taken (The SAS are on their way)

Michael Birt

No 3758 Set by John Crick

The present Pope has a passion for creating new saints. Could we have suggestions (we want real people, please), with reasons for their elevation to sainthood (or brief descriptions of their attributes) .

Max 150 words by 15 November (to appear in issue dated 25 November) E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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