A few weeks ago there was a story in the papers reporting that the nutritional value of luxury cereals is akin to that of biscuits or chocolate sponge. I was shocked: can there be anyone who has tasted these sickly sweet, fruity confections who thinks otherwise just because the food is intended for consumption at breakfast time rather than elevenses?
But then people are remarkably stupid, and the right to what seems like wilful ignorance is often enshrined in law, particularly in America. Only recently, a fatso from New York announced that he was suing four fast-food chains. His lawyer says the burger bars are guilty of failing to supply his client with a healthy alternative.
In the US, labelling alcohol with a health warning is a legal requirement. Drinkers are warned that "women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects" and that drinking impairs "the ability to drive a car or operate machinery". Similar measures are being considered in the UK, although whether it would deter or encourage the young binge-drinkers who enjoy the thrill of the illicit and at whom it would be aimed remains to be seen.
American law tries to protect drinkers with another paternalistic curiosity: champagne-lovers are cautioned not to use a corkscrew if they can't get the stopper to pop out of the bottle. Has anyone ever been silly enough to try this? The fizziness of champagne creates a high pressure, which is why the cork often flies out with such force. Pressing the cork down with a corkscrew can cause the bottle to explode. Cue ambulances and tweezers to remove shards of glass from sticky, bloody flesh.
It would be far more useful if we could be told how (as opposed to how not) to get at our liquor. I have spent many long and messy hours picking off the wax seal on bottles of calvados. According to Alan Perry, the cellar supervisor at Berry Brothers, I could have got a drink more quickly if I'd used a toffee hammer to crack the wax (but not the bottle) before peeling it like an egg.
Well, of course. But why are we not warned about this? Perhaps we are credited with having more nous than our transatlantic friends. Industry sources also suggest it may be better for bottlers not to mention what we shouldn't do as this may imply that a reasonable person might think it reasonable to put glass under heat, thus creating worse legal traumas.
Fine. We will revert to common sense. But who's going to tell the Americans that the traditional way of opening a bottle of champagne is with a sword?
