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Competition

Published 05 August 2002

Win vouchers to spend at any Tesco store

Competition No 3740

Set by Brendan O'Byrne on 15 July

You were asked for beginnings of letters to the editor of the NS that would never get into print.

Report by Ms de Meaner

Superb. You all excelled yourself. Keith Norman e-mailed me to ask the following question: "Am I right in assuming that we've won if our letters don't appear?" An hon mensh for being the only one to spot the paradox. There were lots of funny ones that I've seen before in other, similar, comps - such as lines heard on entering a party which make you wish you hadn't come (eg, "I think I may have just heard the first cuckoo of the year. Could this be a record?"). A £10 token to each winner. The overall winner is J Seery, who also gets the vouchers.

Dear Sir, Or should I call you Agent 37?

J Seery

'Pon my soul, what has happened to the Old Staggers?

Keith Norman

Dear Boris Johnson . . .

Steve Flood

Dear Sir, In 2002, is it not time to recall the heady days of the SDP?

Sheila Millington

Surely I am not the only person to have noticed with alarm . . .

Gerard Benson

Are you aware that "Ye Lib Twerp" is an anagram of Peter Wilby? And that Roger Scruton's anagram is . . . ?

John O'Byrne

Sir, you bastard . . .

Gerry Morrow

Your readers may like to know that I have developed software to hack into your new, subscribers-only feature on the internet. They can e-mail me for details . . .

Peter Reeve

Dear Editor, Having never seen or heard of your magazine, it is a good bet that I have never read it. However, I appreciate the high quality of your editorial content and feel particularly inclined to comment on the first article in your last issue . . .

Sonia Buckmaster

Sir, I feel sure that your readers will share my enjoyment in some of the fascinatingly naive yet perspicacious remarks made by my grandson, who is, as you will probably be surprised to learn, only four years of age . . .

Prue Sheldon

Dear Sir, when Paul Johnson was . . .

Andrew Wilcox

Dear Sir, What have the Palestinians ever done for us?

David Silverman

After the shock of the appalling act of vandalism in which the imposing marble statue of Margaret Thatcher was decapitated, my neighbours and I set up a charity to collect funds for a similar one to be erected on the "spare" plinth in Trafalgar Square. I wonder if your readers would care to . . .

Anne Du Croz

No 3743 Set by Adrian Fry

In the spirit of the "Best of Young British" feature (NS, 22 July, pp 14-15), how about nominating and describing young achievers in less exalted fields (eg, street crime, computer gamesmanship, txt messaging)? One long entry or two shorties. Up to you.

Max 150 words by 16 August

(to appear in issue dated 26 August)

E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk

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