Society
Now what? - Lauren Booth mourns the Queen Mum
Published 06 May 2002
We marked the Queen Mum's death with an "It's a Queen Mum Knockout"
Festivals, birthdays and jubilees help us measure time and break up the boredom of daily life. For me, though, it's the music that makes a celebration. I had to laugh when I read that Keith Allen of Fat Les and "Vindaloo" fame let off a stink bomb at the launch of this year's song for the World Cup. It is after all, a big contest to capture the public mood and get us humming an irritating tune.
Meanwhile, "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols has been tipped as the alternative anthem for this year's Golden Jubilee. It shouldn't be. What we really need is a good laugh and a touch of (dare I say it) the "feel-good factor". Anyway, I prefer a) cheering or b) ignoring most major events.
Last August bank holiday was an exception, when instead of lounging around, Colin (an ex-Rolling Stones roadie) and I decided to host an "oldies Olympics". Ten unfit adults leapt around for five hours, hooting like idiots and trying to remember what being physically competitive felt like.
The first event was boules. This was tricky in the long grass, and there were several disputes. Then there was tennis, followed by a three-legged race and a cut-throat game of softball.
More recently, Colin had another brainwave: the same group of mates would take part in a "Queen Mum tribute" to be called "It's a Queen Mum Knockout". There would be kite-flying and hopping races, followed by the floor events: handstands and cartwheels. These last two would be judged entirely on the skip, hop approach, as we discovered that the risk of injury was too great if any of us actually got our legs in the air. Each competitor would wear a long evening dress, tons of fake jewellery and a tiara because, as Colin said, "It's what she would have wanted."
Sadly, it rained all weekend and the Queen Mum was denied this touching tribute.
The idea of a bunch of drunken fools running around in a field may seem a disrespectful way of marking the old dear's life. But it was more subtle behaviour than that shown by the American family I sat behind in Hyde Park during Princess Di's funeral.
Beneath a huge screen relaying events, the noisy family laid out a picnic. Overhead, Harry and Wills, heads bowed, followed their mum's coffin. Suddenly, the American yelled to his son: "Hey Joey, pass the crisps, will ya?" He looked up at the screen and said in a voice that carried a very long way in the silence: "Isn't this great, kids? No traffic, a picnic and the royals up there. Great, huh?"
And now it's almost time for the Golden Jubilee. So how should we mark this special year and, more importantly, what should we be singing?
By chance, I've discovered a song called "Jubilee Dat". It's not released yet and may never be released, which would be a pity, because it could be as evocative to my generation as "Land of Hope and Glory" was to my grandparents.
Clive, a Rastafarian, talks about the tune as being "for da people's jubilee". He, an E11 bloke with West Indian roots, and his mate Paul, an Anglo-Canadian, are worried about morale in the UK. "It's time for a laugh. We all love the same stuff and we're one culture now. So, let's big up Britain."
What is it that unites us, then, I asked? Here is their answer from the jubilee tribute you may never get to hear: "Kinks, Stones, Who, Faces . . . Carry On, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Hammer House . . . 'Ooh you are awful', 'stupid boy', Daley Thompson . . . Twiggy in a Mini, Willy Shakespeare, Tommy Cooper . . . Bruno says it with HP - and Prince Harry was born to be wiiilllld! . . . Splash it all over, get in a Rover, ho-ay-oh, Jubilee dat!"
It may not be what the Queen had hoped for, but it's a list that makes you smile - which is more than can be said for "God Save the Queen" - either version.
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
