Competition No 3727
Set by John Crick, 15 April
You were asked for Heartsearch ads for famous political or literary characters.
Report by Ms de Meaner
A fiver for each ad. Nicholas Hodgson, the best entrant, also wins the vouchers. R Ewing's was a slightly different joke , but very funny all the same. And apologies to John Crick for getting his name wrong when it was set. Oops!
Orthodox doubleplusgood newthinker seeks female Party member. Object: confession of crimes, complete and final elimination of Goldsteinism, and greater love of Big Brother.
Michael Cregan
Straightforward kind of guy, loves travel, WLTM American president for "special relationship" (I love to be dominated). Damascus/Islamabad/Crawford, Texas areas.
Bit of a devil, confirmed smoker, seeks someone who's a bit bored but has got soul and is prepared to give it away in return for the pleasures of this life. Will travel anywhere within reach of the Underground.
Ian Birchall
Billionaire male model, late 20s, triple Nobel Prize-winner, five Olympic gold medals, international statesman, pioneering astronaut, world-renowned musician, hung like a donkey, WLTM fragrant young ghost-writer for fantasy fulfilment. Reply J Archer, Prisoner FF8282, HMP North Sea Camp.
R Ewing
Still waiting for Mr Right, two male friends, GSOH, stuck on country road going nowhere, seek older male, white beard preferred, for . . . nothing very definite . . . maybe salvation. By the tree/anywhere.
However improbable, you must be the one! Others eliminated as impossible. Tall, easily bored, intellectual pipe-smoker (and more), violinist, WLTM singular female to share his methods and apply them. Box 221B.
Nicholas Hodgson
Through with travelling, Middle European rodent operative, youthful, slim, into bi-colour dressing and line-dancing, great way with animals/children, WLTM similar to share/care extensive family responsibilities in fabulous rural location. Teaching experience useful.
A Prince
Are you the Lady in Red? Do you enjoy walks in the forest? Do you long for hirsute outdoor types with big credentials? Do you like your guys bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? If so, I sure WLT eat you. No grannies, please.
Schizoid journalist with plenty of Krypton factor and tendency to flights of fancy wants to be grounded. Are you the one to rescue me from a life that is frequently pants? Those liable to get trapped at the top of burning buildings, etc, should not reply.
Paul Brummell
Infallible male, 70s, committed Christian, own car and state, single, WLTM younger female with interest in celibacy for mutual laying on of hands, poss immaculate conception.
John Nye
No 3730 Set by Robert Silver
We want pithy morals for the great classic films, eg, "Always drive under 35mph when on a motorbike" (Lawrence of Arabia).
As many goes as you like by 18 May (to appear in issue dated 27 May) E-mail: comp@newstatesman.co.uk
