I'm strong as the silk of a spider
As tough as a nanny goat gruff
Let hospitals shiver if they don't deliver
Or kiddies aren't born big enough
I can cross you a matron and patron
Run red tape round umbilical cords
We'll count satisfaction with rates of contraction -
New babies, new labour, new wards
I've measured midwifery's midriff
Computerised uterine tracts
And I shall divulge you the right size of bulge
Where does water break fastest? The facts!
The measures and measurements taken
Will ensure that you're born pink and perky
I'll cross hospital hype with political tripe
If it fails, then we'll fly mums to Turkey
