Halfway through the season, more or less, so it's time to look backwards, sideways, upwards, onwards.

Highest Highlight. Came on 1 September in Munich, when England beat Germany 5-l. Still hard to believe. Could turn out to be the highlight of the decade, if not the millennium.

Men Performing Badly. Creating almost as much pleasure among English supporters has been the collapse of Manchester United. OK, so they haven't collapsed, they're just stumbling, but that's enough to cheer us all up.

It's been so boring every New Year watching them about to disappear over the dyke. We are so grateful to them for being mortal, though no doubt they'll bound back and do the double, winning the European Champions League and being relegated from the Premiership, boom boom.

No, it's not funny if you're a Man Utd fan, you must be suffering, how awful, we do feel for you, ha ha ha, ho ho ho - sorry, just slipped out.

Most Propitious Chant. Occurred in October when Bolton beat Man Utd and the Bolton fans started singing: "Can we play you every week?" Man Utd fans smiled indulgently, confidently, patronisingly. It did seem preposterous at the time, ever so silly, ha ha ha ha - sorry, that's the last time. (Except to say, have you noticed their pitch isn't playing well, either?)

Most Interesting Half-Time Score. Spurs three up against Man Utd. Though we didn't think it interesting or meaningful at the time, just a fluke, something totally unlikely, tra la.

Best Ron Atkinson Remark. Ron hasn't been quite on form this season, so the award goes to Dave Bassett. Talking about Matt Holland, he opined: "He works extremely very hard."

Pretty Boring Change. Robbie Fowler joining Leeds. He could have been a bit more adventurous, tried his luck abroad like his mate Macca. I fear he could find himself on the bench again, while Liverpool disappear over the dyke. (Different dyke.)

Most Annoying Change. Two weeks ago, I rushed out and bought my 2002 diary and filled in all England's World Cup games to make sure that no fool, such as me, double-books me, starting with England v Sweden at 6.30am on 2 June. Now it's been changed to 10.30, which is good, but means I've mucked up my new diary - and the new year hasn't even begun.

Really Interesting Change. ITV's Gabby Yorath has become Gabby Logan. I wonder if she's now related to Jimmy Logan, the well-known Scottish comedian, my boyhood hero.

She should get out more, out of the studio, leave behind her lip gloss and her hair lacquer and autocue. She is so professional, obviously clever, but stuck inside she looks as plastic and uninterested as a Barbie doll. Get outside, Gabs, on the pitch, let the wind ruffle your barnet, let's see the real you. Last week, on On the Ball, Graham Taylor addressed her as Debby. Strange slip. I wonder who he was confusing her with. Or does he think she's not real, either?

Other Girls in Football. And all doing well this season, such as Marian Pahars, Sylvia Wiltord, Lillian Thuram, Laura Blanc, Lisa La Rue and in the Sky commentary box, Ann Dee Gray. Xmas kisses to them all.

Some Nice Redheads. There used to be lots, when there were more Scots around. Now we have to bring them from abroad, such as the Norwegian Riise at Liverpool, who has shone all season. Look out for Hayden Foxe of West Ham, also a redhead, with a great name, great mane.

A Really Nice Manager. That's what I sense about Glenn Roeder at West Ham. He seemed for the chop, early doors, but I was praying he'd survive and keep wearing his dark suit, white shirt, and looking dead serious, dead old-fashioned. If he does cop it, he could become a funeral mourner in the next Dickens serial, even though he's only got half a jaw.

Most Irritating Commentator. Apart from Jonathan Pearce, world champion. Peter Drury is more annoying, keeping in with all the stars. Another good thing about Man Utd stumbling is that he'll have to stop patting their little bums.

Minor Mysteries. Why did Thierry Henry pull up his shirt, when beating Man Utd, to reveal a white vest emblazoned with "For the Indies"? I understood the sentiments. It was the words I wondered about. He comes from Guadeloupe, which is in the Antilles Francaises, near but very different from the West Indies. Also, what does Tigana of Fulham suck? A Harrods lollipop, a toothpick, a wooden cigarette, a sliver of goal post?

Potty Predictions. I'm away on my summer hols in January, not back here till February, so what will have happened by then? Something surprising always does. I think Arsenal will catch up Liverpool at the top and make it a two-horse race, which Arsenal will win. Or Liverpool.

Becks will be sold to Real Madrid for £50m and will dye his hair again. And I know the colour, oh yes. Not blond. All players go for blond, like Louis Saha of Fulham, or they forget to shake the bottle and go white like Abel Xavier of Everton, or yellow like David James. Becks likes to be different, so he'll go for - black.

Fergie will get a vote of confidence from the Man Utd board, but the directors themselves will get the push when those Irish blokes buy all the shares. They in turn will give Fergie the boot, before the season has ended. Sven will turn them down, saying he doesn't want to manage a team in the First Division, hee hee . . .

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